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female
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anonymous
writes: i would just like to get a little advice or your opinions on my situation. so here it is: my boyfriend and i are both 19. we've been together for about 5 months but only officially for 3 1/2. we are in love and we plan to be together forever...i know it sounds early, but when you know you know...and plain and simple i know hes "the one." but to our situation...we are both virgins and plan to stay this way until we are both 100% ready and want to move to that level....but we feel that his parents are being unfair and too strict. for all they know is we kiss and basically that is all we do, but they are a bit crazy in their rules and have recently added a new one to the list. we are not allowed to be in his room alone together, he is not allowed to be out past 1am-sih, we are not allowed to be in the back living room with the door shut. now dont get me wrong i love his parents, his whole family and i know they like me. i understand their rules, i understand that i am his first girlfriend and he is my first official boyfriend, i understand that as he and i are learning our parents are learning along with us. but is it fair for them to treat him like his 17 year old sister? and tonight he finally stood up for himself and asked if he could be looked at as an individual separate from his sister and be treated like the college student he is and his parents sent him to his room for the night, as if he was on a time-out, as if he was 12. what is he supposed to do? what are we supposed to do? any opinions...advice...similiar situations...suggestions....anything is good!im just confused because he and i are good people, we dont do anything bad, we've never given them any reason to think otherwise....thanks in advance
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male
reader, TheTruth7 +, writes (10 August 2006):
 Your situation sounds alot like mine only that I am the guy with the overly harsh parents. Of course I'm only 16 but only in number. In reality I am closer to the level an adult, intellectually and emotionally. My parents refuse to see this, they sufficate me, especially in my relaionship. Me and my girlfriend have never done anything wrong to their eyes, I don't think they even know that we kiss, but they still keep telling me that I'm not ready for a relationship and I don't know what I want. Personally I don't care what they think anymore, I am staying with the one I love, and as soon as I am 18 I plan to move out...even if I have to live in a cardboard box. They won't even let me get a job. I don't understand it, but I would say that it is time for you boyfriend to leave the house. Your relationship is only going to suffer if he stays.
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (7 August 2006):
 Has he considered making his own home, outside of his parents' house?
He's basically tied to their rules, for two reasons: the first is that he's still living at home. Is he living rent-free, like a dependant? If so, he's basically being the same child his parents raised, so they're just continuing to treat him the same way they've always done. That's hardly their fault.
The second reason is that he's allowing himself to be treated like a child... probably because he always has.
If he wanted to speak on an adult level to his folks (it would be best if he did this off his own bat, alone) he could. He could state, calmly and confidently, that he's an adult, and whilst he appreciates that his parents want the best for him, he feels that he can make wise decisions, and therefore, he doesn't need a curfew, etc.
Maturity and responsibility doesn't just come because you reached a certain age. He needs to strike out a bit and start acting like the adult he is, demonstrating that he can live independantly, so that his parents start taking him seriously.
If he's still living at the family home, not paying rent etc, you need to ask yourself if he's doing anything that deserves different treatment to his sister.
He's probably overdue to make his own home, don't you think? He probably should be acting like an adult, by paying rent and his share of the utilities at his folks' place (if he goes to school he can still work part time), by sharing a house with other people, by converting the garage, by buying a caravan and living there, by renting a small flat, or whatever. There are a dozen ways to move out from your parents.
Until he asserts some independance and takes steps to start behaving like a self-supporting individual, you're both probably going to have to accept his parents' rules.
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