A
female
age
36-40,
*exy cakes
writes:So this is my deal ..... I dont feel good enuff for my boyfriend and his parents ... cuz I dont act a sertin way or cuz I was brought up differently then them or cuz my kid dosent act the way that they want her to act cuz, im not in school right now .... theres so much stuff .... everytime me and my boyfriend get into a fight they're right there to say stuff or make small little coments about me and the way I am and then me and him get into a fight .... and if they call and he says I cant tak right now were in a fight they want to know every detail about it and why then come to me and say im acting like a kid n needs to get over it and grow up .... my boyfriend calls hom mom and dad all day everyday tells them everything thats going on in ower lifes no matter if I didnt want them to know or not .... I use to do things around the house but we would get into a fight and he would throw everything even tho I just cleaned it so I stoped doing it now he dose it .... so when we are around people I will say something and he will just say something in return like right like u would do that ... or he gose to his mom like this is the first time I have had a clean towle ... when I wash ower cloths 3 day by my self .... and my boyfriend all ways says im not being a mother to my child enuff, little coments like that ... I feel like he lies to me about stuff . .but will never tell the truth... we allways have to be doing something with his parents it has gotten to the point that they make ower plans n just say ur going here today .. and u cant say no to them or they ask y u tell them why and they will fix it just so u will cone but u cant just say no I dnt want to so u have to make up a lie to tell them and then they get mad cuz its a lie.... my family is not good enuff and not important to his mom and dad .... my boyfriend has told me he told his mom that he has never dated or known a girl to be as stupid as I am but then he told me it wasnt true and he said he was just mad when he said it ...he talks to me like im stupid all the time about everything and it hurts cuz im not stupid n I know wht hes saying all the time.. it has goten to the point were I ignore him and dont answer back ... ples help Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (12 April 2013):
 It seems you have been unlucky and you chanced into a guy who's not independent enough and never cut the apron strings. There is an over involvement of his family, both in terms of communication and of spending time together, and I can't but sympathize with you, for me that would be a nightmare , a woman needs to feel she has her own family, that she's not just an appendix or a third wheel to her partner's family. Unluckily, this is something that you should bring up with HIM, parents can be overbearing and interfering only if we let them, his parents may be wrong in wanting to know your business, but , he is the one who's got no problem in telling them all, and tbh, I don't see that changing, since he does not see this as abnormal or unusual. If he thinks this is Ok and the regular way one relates to his parents, once he has built his own couple and family, sigh.. good luck in making him change his mind.
Then again, as a mother, I have to say that maybe these parents aren't JUST nosy and overbearing. I mean, you seem to fight an awful lot, and you seem to see it as normal, as a regular fact of life. " When they call and we would be in a fight "... you make it sound as this is something that happens quite often, not the once in a very blue moon that it should be in a happy couple. It's normal and inevitable that his parents get WORRIED and wonder if that's the right way to live, and if their son is happy, and want to know how bad things really are and for what reason. It's not that when a son is adult you don't care about his wellbeing anymore , and stop wondering if he is as happy as he can be.
Therefore, before changing the relationship with your in laws, I think you've got a lot of work to do in changing your relationship with your boyfriend. As I said, I am not too optimistic, he does not seem willing to respect your need for independence and privacy, and this is something that some people are willing to break up over. If you are not among them, you'll just have to be patient and put up the best you can, and for doing this it may be helpful to remember that these parents may be nosy or snobs or total bitches, yes,... but they also have very good reasons to be concerned.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2013): What about him makes him a boyfriend? He sure isn't doing anything that seems like a boyfriend so why do you even consider him one?
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (12 April 2013):
 Hi, If its any comfort, there are a very few mums that think any woman is good enough for her son. Also they struggle to let another woman come into their son's life for fear of losing their son.
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