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female
age
36-40,
*adyAries
writes: Is it healthy for a relattionship when your boyfriends parents put him down in front of his girlfriend all the time by publicly insulting him even infront of a large family gathering?Example 1: His parents asking his girlfriend You want to go out with "THIS" and acutally point to him? Which is trying to make him seem worthless of not ever having a relationship ,or a companion.. And wondering why someone would ever want to go out with him.Example 2: His Parents continue bugging him about his bank accounts, and wanting to see his bank statements.Example 3: His parents asking him if he can afford dinner when he brings his girlfriend with him to a family gathering.Example 4: His sister jokling threatens his girlfriends life with bodly harm if she doesn't baby sit him and make sure he gets through college incase if he ever fails.Now is this a healthy relationship?How does anyone understand this kind of thing that goes on?When your boyfriends parents insult him does that mean they are insulting you too? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2007): It sounds to me that they are concerned their son will not finish college so he can have a career and support himself and that they are giving you subtle hints that you will not distract him from his studies or discourage him from finishing school, as in relying on a current job to make money rather than finish school to get a better job.
It is not very polite of them to do this, and it is not as healthy as sitting him down and having a conversation to the effect of what I just stated above, but some families have a way of putting each other in their place by such put downs without having the balls to come right out and say it directly to him in a one on one conversation. If I were him I would not appreciate it, but if it is kept at a minimum maybe that is why he tolerates it, it is his family and it is his responsibility to take care of it if he wants it to stop, so if I were you I would stay out of it unless you might want to reassure them that you are proud of his goals for college,just to shut them up if nothing else.
A
female
reader, aphexinfinite  +, writes (6 January 2007):
 i dont think their insulting you but they are putting him down, and if that was me i wouldnt put up with it, he need to grow a spine and stand up for himself..yes family is a big thing but during ure life they cannot hold ure hand as you go to work or live life..i feel sorry for him getting this from his family, they arnt being insulting to you their using u as an excuse to put him down..poor fellow, try and keep his chin up make him seehe is worth it and that he shouldnt need to deal with that mental abuse hope this helps xxxxxx
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