A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I recently fount out that I'm expecting a baby girl. Me and my boyfriend loved the name scarlett, and I was adement that I wanted to call her Scarlett prior to finding out the sex, if she was going to be a girl that is. Being warry of telling people baby names, we told my boyfriends mom that we didnt really want to descus names in case anyone unintentionaly put us off. We did however, give in a little and told her scarlett for a girl. She told us it was a horrible name. She went out of her way to say, children might bully her for being called scarlett because it was a name for prostitutes in the 1600's, She also said scar face. It would be fair enought if she said i don't like that name, but she purposely went out her way to put us off, especialy as I told her of my concerns. It's not only this problem i've encountered, she tried a few times to talk me out of haveing 3 children what I would love eventualy (middle child syndrome). She is dishing out all sorts of advice like, don't give your baby dummies. She makes me feel uncomfertable. When i do pluck up the courage to voice my oppinion, she pulls her face like a stroppy teenager. She makes me feel like I'm being disrespectful to my boyfriends mom.I feel concerned that she is going to order me around with my baby and just pick it up with out asking me. She has already said, she will tell the child off if she is naughty. Even though I'm highly confident in my own abilty to raise my child, as i had a good set of parents that displined me well enought. My boyfriends dad has said that he wants to come round EVERY DAY to see the baby!!Any advice or support would be much appreciated as it's causing me stress.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2009): hi, i think its really rude of his mum to make comments about the name you have chosen. Like you said its fine to say its not something you would choose, but no need to trash it. This is your baby and its yours and your partners choice to how you bring her up. I was always a really quite and shy person and i never stood up for myself, but once i became a mum that all changed. I am so protective of my son and i know when you have your daughter that will instantly be installed in you and you will find yourself standing up to her. My partners father was constantly coming over unnanounced, and when you have a baby sometimes youre just not in the mood to have visitors. The more he did it the more the anger built up in me, and then 1 day i just blew up and let him know how i felt. Now he always calls before he comes over. The best thing you can do is just be honest and let people know if something bothers you. When you have your daughter you will find it comes naturally anyway......good luck with it all :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2009): It sounds like you have a controlling lot of people around you. Call the baby what you wish. It is disgusting for the grandmother of your unborn daughter to be rubbishing her name already and telling you whats what. It is your choice. Do not change over that load of old rubbish. I love the colour red and personally I have considered that if I had a girl they would be called Scarlett or Ruby. I think you and your boyfriend need to have a chat about presenting a united front. You need to firmly agree some ground rules and what is and is not going to be acceptable from now on - and he needs to back you up otherwise I urge you to consider bringing up this child alone. It is more than essential he shows he is on your side and supporting you and his child not playing to his parents to keep them sweet while you suffer due to his weakness it is his responsibility - otherwise its good cop bad cop. Get this sorted now and save yourself a lot of deep heartache later on. Failing that then yes, moving well away is the only answer so they cannot have such a controlling, overbearing attitude on you. Don't let them ruin this special time - but it is a big test for the strength of your boyfriend and his loyalty to your feelings.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (21 July 2009):
Oh dear, it's a fact of life than when you don't plan a baby then you get landed with what ever grandparents come along.
Other than moving a few hundred miles away from them your best bet is having your boyfriend have a word.
You don't mention once that he has stood up for you or been a man or dad about anything.
Point out that if he's going to have the balls to produce a child then he needs to grow up and stand up for you when his mum has a go at you.
You need to get him to sit down and talk to her about what you AS A COUPLE have decided on for your child. If you don't want other people disciplining your child then tell her that.
Parents-in-law are ALWAYS going to be a nightmare when a new baby comes along. That's why you need to be united as a couple.
Talk to your boyfriend and then he can help you fight off all her "useful" help.
Good Luck!! xx
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