A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:im stuck in an awful situation and really dont know what to do. iv been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now and i love him more than anything, but his mother has taken a disliking to me for no reason. she has never really liked me ever since me and my boyfriend started seeing eachother just because shes jealous and thinks im taking her son away from her. now i feel awkward being around her and never want to go to his house, its driving us apart because its causing me to stress so much more and i find myself bursting into tears on regular occasions. im terrified hes going to finish me over my mood swings, i really dont want to lose him but the way his mother is being i cant see a future for us. what should i do, has anyone got any advice or been through this themselves? i hate feeling stressed all the time and taking it out on my boyfriend but i just cant help it, im already extremely self conscious and lacking in confidence and this situation has just made me 10 times worse!
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou for all your advice, its really helped, luckily his mum has kind of calmed down, well shes being nice to my face anyway. wow your boyfriends mum sounds extremely over possessive, i think she needs to see a therapist about her issues.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2010): Hi there!
I have the exact same problem, me and my boyfriend both 20 years old,his mum calls him everyday to talk for 2 hours about the same crap, we will be out at dinnner and she'l call him, we will even be having an argument and shel call him and they will talk, always at the wrong times.She always wants to cuddle him on the sofa? she even wanted to sleep in his bed(im sickened)when the whole family is around, it intimidated me the way she was,so over bearing and weird!She treats him like hes 5yrs old,her baby. He is too scared to disappoint his mother, thats the way I see it. She is so needy for his attention when we are all together. It's really pathetic she puts on a sad face everytime we go out together without her, I dont get it?!Also Im extremely self conscious as well and going over to his house is really hard, I cant be comfortable in his house, specially with her around. We have had so many arguments and Ive been stressed even almost so depressed becos im self conscious and I dont know how to deal with his mum and such. Shes not horrible or anything but makes me feel bad for wanting to be with my partner, she does it in a way he would never be able to see it. Ive now learnt that I have to let it be because Im actually not the one with the problem its her, she wants his attention and he is unable to give it to her like that now because hes an adult. Hes independent and has his own life to live, commitments. She's the one who needs to grow up and realise that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your advice :) im going to try doing that because your ex mother in law sounds exactly the same as my boyfriends mum, and the way iv been handling it isnt working, instead its pushing us further apart
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A
female
reader, romany +, writes (16 September 2010):
 Hiya,
ahhhh, this takes me back, my ex husbands mum made it hell for me, or at least for the first few years anyway.
It upset me at first to be honest, but one day, and I can't remember what it was that triggered my ability to not give a rats arse anymore, but I started to find it quite humourous, I'd go round to their house, and before I'd get there, I'd guess, how many time 'mother' would scowl, how many snidey remarks, how many times she would try and demean me and everytime she did one, I'd smile and count them up. Because I was still being nicer than nice to her, after all she was the mum of the bloke I was in love with, and I dint want to make him feel uncomfortable, I felt like I was on a higher level, I knew I was nicer, and I found comfort that at least one of the women in my blokes life cared about his happiness.
You just have to rise above it, eventually my ex mother in law, (and i was with her son for 20 years) got bored, i think she always thought I wasn't good enough for her son, but I knew I was, and that is what you need to realise to, he wouldn't be with you if he dint think you were.
Good luck, and try to find the humour in her actions.
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