A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for over 2 years now and we live together. He is 22 and I’m 20. Let me start off by saying, I think family is super important and I would never want to come between my boyfriend and his family.But it bothers me that his mother comes by and cleans our room every week. I’m not a messy person. I clean up after myself but sometimes after getting home from work I’ll throw my clothes on the floor and not pick them up. I’m human! But his mother still insists on cleaning every single part of our bedroom and i find it a little insulting. I appreciate it, but I think I’m doing a fine job at cleaning. Her excuse is always “sorry, I’m just super OCD.” Just to make sure that I wasn’t crazy, I invited my sister (who is brutally honest) over and asked her if she thought our apartment was a mess and she said it wasn’t at all. But this past weekend while I was at work, my boyfriend invited his mom over and she decided to actually REARRANGE our bedroom. I can’t find anything down from my sandals to my deodorant. She even put away my dirty underwear that was in a basket of DIRTY CLOTHES away which I think is creepy. When I asked my boyfriend where everything was, he said he had no idea.On top of it, a friend of mine just passed so I keep a picture of her next to my bedside table and I CANT FIND IT. Obviously, I confronted my boyfriend about it and his answer was, “maybe if you cleaned a little more, my mom wouldn’t have to.” I stormed out of that room so fast because I really thought that I was going to punch him. I constantly clean up after him. He’s a slob if I’ve ever seen one. I don’t know I guess my question is, what do I do? I’ve tried to confront him and he ended up insulting me, I feel awkward confronting his mom. Am I in the wrong here? Should I just let her keep rearranging our bedroom?
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (29 September 2017):
 I think your mom could be friends with my mom! My mom cleans out of compulsion as well. I grew up living in a house so clean you could eat off the floor in. There were entire rooms like the living room we weren't allowed to play in because we were messy and the room was "too nice".
Your mom shouldn't re-arrange someone else's house, but as far as cleaning and stuff is concerned, if that's all it takes to keep the peace is for her to be a live-in maid to satisfy the OCD, then I think you made out kinda lucky.
She should, however, stay OUT of your bedroom. You should talk to her about it. Your boyfriend is IN THE WRONG here, and he hasn't left Mommy's skirt if that's his response. You should be allowed to chuck your clothes on the floor if you want to, but I personally would go crazy seeing clothes on the floor, but that's only because I spent time living in a state that has camelback crickets, black widow, wolf, and brown recluse spiders, and scorpions. I still knock out my shoes before putting them on to dislodge possible bugs who like dark spaces.
Otherwise, don't take it too personally. My mom when she visits insists on taking out every dish I own and all of my silverware and re-wash all of it by hand, even the clean ones in their cabinets. She then re-arranges all of our shoes so that they are symmetrical, scrubs our windows, and all of that! My husband thinks it's weird, but it makes her happy. But I wouldn't let her re-arrange anything in the house, AND she stays out of our bedroom! She helped my son re-organize his room though, and he actually had fun doing it! I gave him a hard time for that, because he rolls his eyes at me when I tell him to clean up. heh. Teenagers.
Set the boundary nicely with his mother. Tell her you understand her OCD, but your bedroom is off-limits, and please don't re-arrange any furniture.
As for your boyfriend, NO don't hit him! You did the right thing by walking out of the room, but he is way out of line. And STOP cleaning up after him! He's used to Mommy doing it. Don't be his Mommy! Keep your clothes picked up, and stop all help of him. Make him do his own dishes and pick up after himself, and he'll see the truth of things right quick.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 September 2017):
 Wow what a strange mother he has. What she done was not acceptable, and if you do not want her cleaning your apartment then you need to put your foot down. Who cares if she is OCD, she can clean her own house!
Also your boyfriend sounds rude and immature, he is a slob and yet he thinks you should clean more? He needs to be doing more for himself and standing up to his mother.
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A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (28 September 2017):
 What she has done is so disrepectful and it's an invasion of privacy (I mean to sort through your underwear... really?!).
With that being said, I think that it's time for you to talk to her directly about it since her son seems like he just turned up his nose to your confrontation. I think that it should be a friendly discussion in which you tell her all that you've told us here.
I think your boyfriend's response was also very rude and un-called for. If he cannot realize what an invasion it is, then maybe he should pick up some of the slack when it comes to cleaning! So what if you throw some things onto the floor when you're tired? You're allowed to do such in your own home.
You really need to have a talk even if it means that you stand alone.
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A
female
reader, holeymoley  +, writes (28 September 2017):
 Nooooooo way- NOT COOL! Totally disrespectful and invasion of privacy. As for that bf of yours- same same, maybe if HE cleaned up a bit then maybe his mum would not feel the need to still be wiping his nose for him-Sheesh! Next time why not leave a whole lot of gay porn and a dildo on his side of the bed floor if he is going to be an arse about things
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (28 September 2017):
 What your boyfriend's mother did was an enormously disrespectful to you, as was his response.
There are no simple solutions, the best I can suggest is that you try to keep calm when you talk to his mother
"Mrs X, I understand you probably thought you were helping when you took my dirty underwear from the dirty clothes basket and put them away with my clean clothes but that's not the way I was raised. I am also upset you thought it was okay to enter my private space and hide things that are important to me. Pease don't enter my bedroom when you come to visit in future.
If she does it again then he is obviously not ready to be an adult and should return to his mummy's tender care ASAP, so in preparation for that eventuality, (for my gut feeling is neither of them give two pinches of goat poo for your feelings on the matter,) start gathering the information on breaking leases or evicting him, and leave the paperwork on your bedside table for mummy to clean up next time she visits .
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