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female
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*m I Lost w/o him?
writes: Hi I am 43, boyfriend of 8 years is 45. We have a 5 yr old son who lives with me. My boyfriend was on CRACK cocaine for 20 or so years and I learned this 1+ years into our relationship. He is very handsome and I have some crazy attraction to him although he has been very physically and emotionally abusive. What happened in the last 6 months is he got off drugs, started a company, bought land, new truck and wanted me and our son to move to whree he lives, 1450 miles away from where I bought my home 18 months ago.He was here but left me 3-4 times because I kicked him out over the drugs..When he was good he is really sweet man and I really THINK I love him..But I just went to visit him for 11 days and got back this week. He has not called me once, REFUSES to answer his cell phone when I call (found this our by using a payphone where he did not know it was me HE ANSWERED..And today he said he will talk later to me and hung up and has not answered his phone all night..I THINK I am just so attracted to him and am willing to put up with his craziness just to NOT be alone..I am FAT 5'5 220 lbs and he is fit and muscular..I fear I can not get another man built like him etc..Childish I know, but after 8 years of having him arrested 16 or more times NOW he is cleaned up and WORKING for the first time ever..I NOW want him and he appears to not want me..Any suggestions? Just yesterday he wanted me to sell my home and move with him and today will not answer his phone and NEVER calls me? Maybe I am just in denial? I think he has some other woman maybe? Any advice as I am really hung up on him BADLY..Thanks for any advice I am getting depressed over him....:( Pamela
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reader, Am I Lost w/o him? +, writes (31 January 2006):
Am I Lost w/o him? is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell AFTER I got his phone to ring at 530 AM and he answered HELLO HELLO like he could not hear me and hung up the phone TWICE..then the message machine came on like normal..He then called my house and left a message and said his phone is broken and he ordered a new one and can not call me or get my messages for 3-4 days and not to worry all is OK and he loves me..THEN I got his cell phone bill in the mail (new phone 3 days worth of info)He has about 35 calls to and from someone in one day and the last one was an incoming call at 9:40 PM and I remember the night he asked me what time it was and he went outside to get cigarrettes in the RAIN at that time..So I think he must have a girlfriend...I am going to try to just forget him and get busy fixing myself..I have an appt with a counselor 3 Feb and maybe will not think so highly of him in a few weeks..I appreciate the reply I got. You ARE right! WHY DO I SETTLE FOR HIM? He has bad teeth but a terrific body to me....that is all and is sometimes really sweet but 80% he is not my type..no education, abusive even when NOT on drugs, and never had a job in 8 years until now and thinks he is ABOVE me for some reason I think..Well thank you again! Hopefully I will get over him SOON...It is a miserable feeling..
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reader, Clarey  +, writes (30 January 2006):
 Six months is not long to have been off crack cocaine, after 20 years. I would be very suspicious of why he wants you to sell your home bearing in mind his new ventures and aquisitions. Where did the money come from? I have met people who were nice looking, kind to animals, good fathers..who would cheat on their wives. I once knew a very nice man who turned out to be alcoholic. Being a drug addict does not make him bad, but is is a fault in his character that threatens yours and your son's future. I am worried about your self esteem, why do you believe you have to accept something that is less than perfect? You deserve a good man and you don't need anyone. You have acheived a lot on your own and you have time. I am 43 years old and no sooner had I decided I would not accept second best and was happy alone, men started coming out of the woodwork. I have to beat them off with a stick! I am amazed.
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