A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:My bf's friends put me down for my Christian values and beliefs. They always make fun of me and put me down. My bf doesnt say anything to them. He lets them get away with it. In fact, he basically defends them and takes their side!!! He says that it is my fault because I am quiet and shy around his friends. He says that if I wasnt shy then they wouldnt do it. He sees me as the bad person because I am not going to enough of an effort to make conversation with them.I understand that I am not making as much conversation as I could, and yes I am shy, but the thing is, in a normal situation I would try a lot harder, but this isnt a normal situation. HIs friends are bullying me. I feel so intimidated by them. I am honestly too scared to even look at them. I know they dont like me...and I dont even know what to talk to them about. Whatever I say they make fun of me for. Why wont my bf understand how I feel? And why does he take their sides? He makes excuses for their behaviour by either denying that it even happens saying I am making it up or imagining it, or by saying its just a joke or they were drunk so I should just accept it. Or he then goes on to say if I wasnt who I was (a shy person) then i wouldnt get treated that way. Please help... I feel like our relationship is on the verge of breaking up.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (27 October 2009):
 I think you need to find a guy who shares your beliefs, not put them down.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2009): They arent picking on your religion as much as they are giving you a hard time in general.
Guys do this and if you have no defense they you just come off as pathetic. No girl really has good comebacks so you guys are graded on a curve, but you must really be bad and unresponsive to be drawing so much attention.
This just may not be your scene. You may not be able to hang out with his male friends and have to limit your contact with him to times when you two can be alone.
The other option is to hit back at the friends with some scurrilous bit of personal information you get out of one of their gf's. That would get you some respect, especially if you didn it in front of the group, but since you dont like this game anyway you probably wont end up happy in this back and forth.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2009): If he wants you to respect his views then he has to respect yours. Religion is a very personal thing, so I can understand your feelings on this.
Im afraid the girls are right, its time to dump him. Dont worry though you'll meet someone better
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A
female
reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (27 October 2009):
 Why are you with him?
Even as an atheist, his behaviour stinks. He should be able to take into consideration your feelings and if you are having difficulty with his friends then he should step up to the plate to bat for you. That is just how it works in a healthy relationship.
This has nothing to do with you being shy. Its not your fault either for being shy. If you are being bullied and you feel you cant defend yourself, you will of course feel as though you would rather NOT talk to them. Your boyfriend needs a wake up call about how you feel. This is not something he can say you need to shake off or be blamed for. You are his girlfriend and need to be acknowledged for how you feel. His friends are his friends, yes, but when his friends act like assholes he needs to man up and admit it.
If you are on the verge of breaking up it is because you are coming to terms that he is not the one for you. You need to ask yourself these things.
Could you be with someone who wont defend you?
Could you be with someone who does not understand your views and feelings?
If you were married to him, could you tolerate being second best to his friends?
If you were married to this person, would you choose someone like him to be your husband?
I understand he probably has his good sides and you are seeing them too, but if you dont think he is responding to your hurt feelings and sincere pleas for understanding, then he is ignoring you. Again this is a small issue, supposidly. How, if you were married to him, would he deal with a very big problem? If he ignores you on this he can ignore you on other issues and either he changes and address your feelings or leave. You deserve understanding and better behaviour.
HonningKanin
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