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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: My and my bf are about to buy a house together and he has just informed me that he does not think that some of his friends will come round as they have a problem with me. The reason being that a few times in the past I got really drunk and was out of order with these friends. I admit that this did happen but it has made me really upset as I have seriously curbed my drinking in that I don’t drink to get drunk anymore or go out drinking in to town. The most I tend to drink now in one setting is ½ a bottle of wine.My bf is a very verbally expressive person and he was very upset about this last night, saying that he thinks they will only come round when I am not there. This in turn has upset me, as I know how important his friends are to him and that he wanted us all to get on. I am pretty upset that these friends cant move on from what happened, particularly as I know I have changed.I guess my question is am I over-reacting to this? I am very over-emotional at the moment and the stress of buying a house and also trying for a baby is getting to me. It is obviously getting to him too. He thinks that they won’t come round to me as they are all people who ‘hold on’ to things. I don’t know what to do. Is it ‘no big deal’ that they don’t like me, is he being bitchy, is he likely to finish with me over this? I feel terribly insecure at the moment. He was so upset about this situation and I don’t know who is over-reacting or how to deal with this. Your thoughts please.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi again. I have apologised to one friend, have not had a chance with one other and the other, my bf told me not to bother. In fact he told me not to bother with all three!
I'm not sure why, he is so contrary!
I'm just glad none of you are saying he is being a bastard for mentioning it!
Thanks for taking the time out to reply.
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female
reader, Battista  +, writes (6 July 2011):
Forgot to add that I imagine he mentioned it because he wants to find a resolution to the problem
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female
reader, Battista +, writes (6 July 2011):
I appreciate that you know you have changed, and also that you don't care about their opinion. That's fair enough. However, don't you think for your bf's sake that you could make an effort to let them know and maybe apologise. If they are mature adults then maybe they will let bygones be bygones if you make the first move. I would think it would be worth swallowing a bit of humble pie if you really want to try and make things easier for both you and your bf if you love him that much. I would think that the fact your bf did mention it in the first place illustrates how upset he is, and of course it is natural that you wish he hasn't mentioned it because now it makes you feel bad. Wouldn't it be worth having a word with these friends, and then even if it doesn't make any difference at least you can say that you've tried your best and done all you can.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI was pretty offensive to two of them and not really to the third one. To be honest I dont really care what they think; i know i have changed. It's how upset my bf is that upsets me. His friends are really important to him and I dont want them to avoid me. However, one of them, his best friend, is really strange and he has bad social skills and also is terrible around women. I also think he is abit jealous of My bf having a gf and would not really be okay with anyone that my bf went out with. I am just struggling so much with the dynamics here. I know it is not possible for me to get on with all his friends but three seems quite alot and i also feel really hurt that my bf has brought this up. I would have rather he had kept it to himself but he is a very honest person, to the point of being blunt most of the time! Hard work but I love him to pieces.
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female
reader, Battista +, writes (6 July 2011):
Is there any way you could apologise to the friends in question and let them know you've changed your drinking habits? Personally I know how annoying it is to have to deal with some who's had too much to drink and doesn't know how to behave, and I would agree that my natural instinct would be to avoid them in that sort of situation. However, is your bf saying that they won't come round at all, even for a cup of tea? To me that really sounds like an over-reaction, unless you were so offensive that they can't even be in the same room as you. I would doubt that is the case, however you know better than us as we don't know what happened.
What is your opinion of these friends? Did you used to get on with them or has it always been problematic even before the drinking?
I think maybe the key here is that you say you know you have changed: perhaps these friends don't know that. My advice would be perhaps to try and have a word with them if they are so important to your bf. If they are good friends then surely they will see that they will be hurting your bf as well by avoiding you completely.
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