A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone. I have a problem.I've been with my boyfriend for 17 months now (almost 18 months!!!) and he's now at college (he's 15, almost 16 and I'm 13, almost 14). I've just started my GCSE's, and he's just started his A Levels. He left just over a week ago. I miss him like crazy, he means so much to me. But that's not the problem. The problem is sex. Now, I know what you're possibly thinking. Don't do it! You're too young! He needs to talk no for an answer! But that's not it. He respects women alot more than most boys his age, and he'd never force me into sleeping with him. Ever. He also respects the fact that I have morals. He knows that I don't want sex just yet because of my age, because I don't want a repuation as a skank/slut/etc (sorry for the foul language), and because I don't want to end up pregnant like two of the girls in my school who had underage sex. But... here's the thing... The majority of his friends have lost their virginity, and some of them are taking the mick out of him and pressuring him because he's still a virgin. He feels frustrated, because he has mixed feelings about us having sex (as do I, and I'm much rather wait until I'm sixteen, or older, and he respects and understands that. He also doesn't want our relationship just to be about sex, and neither do I.) He's happy to wait until I feel ready, but I feel bad. We've talked about sex before, and he loves me more than anything (and I love him just as much), and he's admitted to me that he wants sex, but he doesn't want me to have sex with him until I'm ready. He doesn't think of sex like most boys his age do either, he thinks of it as ... Well... it's hard to explain... He thinks of it as like... The final way of showing me how much he loves me or something. Like I said, it's complicated to explain. He also thinks that your first time should be important, and special, not just "Hey, I don't wanna be a virgin anymore, so I'll sleep with the first person who'll sleep with me!" kind of thing. So what should I do? Please help me!~ ???
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, it's more them messing around. They just say stuff like "Jealous? Just because you're not getting any!" etc. They mean it in a joking way, yet they really don't seem to realise how much it gets to him.
And I doubt the times have changed much, if at all, since you were my age. And thanks :)
A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (9 October 2010):
 No one liked it much in my generation either..Girl friends pressuring him into sex? Interesting. Could be that times have changed. However good for you guys and your morals.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so much for all of the advice!
I really appreciate it. :)
I know all about the laws and that kind of thing, I've learnt about that during sex education (even though, like most teenagers, we hate it and really don't like talking about it to adults. Or is that just the kids in my year?)
Actually, the majority of his friends are girls, and they're the ones who're pressuring him. They say it in a joking way... And they don't seem to realise that it really get to him. He's really worred that he might end up pressuring me accidentally, even if he says little things that might seem like pressuring to him. I've reassured him that there's no way I'd let him come near me in that way for a good few years yet, and he's glad, but he still worries. he worries too much, especially when it comes to me, and I'm glad he cares so much. I'm lucky to have him.
Again, thank you all so so much!
~ J xoxo
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (14 September 2010):
Well, thank god you both have the right idea about sex and you want to wait till your legal. Do note dear, if you have sex right now and he turns 16, then your parents can charge him with statutory rape. There are laws about the legal age you have to be to consent to sex, please look into them. People are going to pressure you into vices all your life, sex, alcohol, drugs, breaking the laws..it goes on. The thing is if your friends jumped off a bridge would you follow? Don't go with the flow, march to the beat of your own drum. Just because his friends lost their virginity early to whatever chicks that will drop their panties shows that don't have morals. They're just out to get their dingys wet so to speak. So tell your boyfriend you want it to be special and you'd rather wait till you're of legal age to engage in sexual activity, no one wants their first time to suck, then when that time comes around make it romantic. Rose petals on the bed, soft serene music coming from the stereo, and a candlelit dinner..make it everything you want it to be. I'm so proud of you, it's about age and the maturity level of a teen when we judge if they should consent to sex.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (14 September 2010):
 There's no need to feel bad for him. If he feels pressure then it's his problem. You will be giving him a favor by waiting because once he realizes how good sex feels he is going to want it every day, meaning he will be more frustrated than had he not tried. He will be thinking about sex with you all the time that he couldn't concentrate in school. Also, sex will be sneaky, silent, quick, rather than important and special. Your body hasn't finished growing and underage sex is linked to uterine and cervical problems later in life. The easiest way to say no is to keep reminding him it's illegal to have sex with a minor.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2010): Well i thik its great that you unlike alot of girls value being a virgin and if from what you say he respects the fact that you do and want to wait then wait. My advice is wait hes in a new area around new people wait and see if things change or what happens now. You said he willing to wait so then wait. It doesnt sound like you are ready simply because your on here asking people what you should do and if it was something you were ready for you wouldnt be looking to us. i would wait
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