A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:HiI've been with my boyfriend for 5 months now, and was introduced to him by his friend.. Lets name him Bob. Bob and my boyfriend were good friends when they were younger, then drifted apart, but since me and my boyfriend have been together they have got closer again.The problem is, Bob hates me! Passionately hates me! I asked him why, and he sent me a text telling me how I was an embarrassment when I was drunk and how he generally thought I was pathetic as a person. (If it's of any importance to the story, me and 'Bob' were close at one point, but when he asked me to be his girlfriend, I turned him down. That was years ago though!)I really wanted to make an effort for me and my boyfriend, and tried my best to be friends with Bob. But he won't have any of it, and is quite horrible to me in person. He makes things difficult for me and my boyfriend, as when my boyfriend is around Bob, he talks bad about me. I'm worried that Bob will be able to sway my boyfriend's opinion of me, because they're so close. It causes problems between me and my boyfriend when he wants to go out with Bob, because I feel Bob is a bad influence and he says some horrible things about me behind my back. I feel like Bob creates arguments between me and my boyfriend on purpose, because he doesn't want us together.I don't know what to do, I've tried to make an effort with Bob before in the past but he really doesn't care and doesn't want to be friends at all, for anybody's sake. I just don't understand why Bob hates me so much, advice needed desperately please!!Thanks
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (28 March 2013):
 The problem is not Bob. The problem is your boyfriend.
Bob is behaving badly but the only person you need to care about is your boyfriend's behavior and if he's disrepecting you while with his friend, that's all you need to know.
If Bob can sway your boyfriend's opinion of you then your boyfriend is not really worthy of being your boyfriend.
When I first started hanging out with my husband his friend was told about me and his comment to my then FWB (now hubby) was "it's old (meaning ME) and NOT that attractive... hit it and be done with it"
at the time, we were not serious or in love and husband took the comment in stride. AFTER we got serious he went to the same friend and said "SVC is my partner now and you will RESPECT her or I will no longer be friends with you"
so now this friend who still thinks I'm old and not that attractive, deals with it and treats me with the utmost of care and respect. BECAUSE MY PARTNER DEMANDED IT OF HIM.
Your BF can be friends with Bob all he wants. Bob can say whatever he likes about you. IF he can persuade your BF to leave you, then your BF was never that committed to you.
A
male
reader, bearatts +, writes (28 March 2013):
Bob doesn't hate you. As a matter of fact bob actually still has feelings for you. He's jealous, and is talking bad about you to your boyfriend because in his mind if he can't be with you then his friend can't be with you. He thinks that if he breaks you two up that he'll have a chance with you. In my opinion the best thing to do would be to sit down and talk to your boyfriend about everything. Tell him how a while back you turned bob down and how he's being jealous. Also, if you really are a mess when you get drunk then I suggest that you either stop drinking or limit yourself. Then bob can't through it in your face anymore. In all honesty being drunk has never lead to anything good. It causes people to make bad decisions. Good luck.
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