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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Ive been with this guy for six months now.before me he used to like a girl, but she got with his best mate and they are still together.my boyfriend and this girl are still 'best friends' though. is that possible???she really is the perfect girl for him, they have the same interests etc, and there is chemistry between them. he spends a lot of time with her and i know that she doesnt like me being with him.I couldnt really say choose between me or her because i will sound silly and jealus, but its driving me insane!!!i never really want to go round anymore cos i know she will be there with her boyfriend and i feel so inferior to her!!!my boyfriend is moving in with her boyfriend next week so i will have to see her all the time, but i know that she had to choose between her boyfriend and mine, and she chose hers, but she still likes him.i can tell by the way they look at each other. should i tell him its over???its making me so miserable. i truly hate her so much. i think about them doing sexual things together all the time and it makes me feel sick.please help.xxx (p.s i do like my boyfriend very much, i just feel like 2nd best at the moment so am keeping my distance to avoid getting hurt, but he doesnt know why.)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2007): i totally understand how you feel, it's crazy to know that someone's feeling the same way as me. miserable, insecure and unloved. it's hard for me to talk to my boyfriend about how i feel towards him and the other girl. words just don't come out because i dont want him to feel like i'm being childish and jealous. but the fact of knowing that they go out to dinner alone even when she has a boyfriend who is my boyfriend's friend too just really hurts. i have thought about it a lot, even tho i still have very strong feelings for him, but the feelings that he is giving me is overbearing. it's too painful to stay together and feel this way, so i have decided to talk with him and leave him. it is so sad, but if my boyfriend has this strong connection with this girl then i might as well not be part of it. once i leave, maybe i would feel better. we will see.
A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (27 August 2007):
 Hi
I think this is more about how you feel about yourself?
Its a tricky situation because your spot on about what it will make you come across like if you say something to him.
He probably does like her as a mate and she probably does like him, but what you need to keep in perspective is she chose the other guy. Your guy probably has lots in common with you and the chemistry is probably great with you, but because you have this low self esteem at the moment, you're not seeing that so clearly?
I could be way off track but i would speak to him. but not about this other girl. About how you feel at the moment. That you dont feel special anymore to him.
If he loves you, he will take notice and make some more effort at this time to reassure you he loves you.
It would be a shame to have some girl that you both know come between you by backing off from him. And he wont know whats going on.
Good luck.
C xxxxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2007): Hey sweetie,Something so much like your situation is going on with me at the moment. So I totally know how you feel! I think you should tell your boyfriend how you feel and see how that goes, and tell him that it is making you miserable. I think I am gonna let my guy go, because there are so many other guys that I won't need to feel second best too, maybe you could do that too? And if its making you so miserable, so that you don't wanna go round to his anymore! I think you need a guy where a) you don't need to feel 2nd best and b) you'll be happy. I'd leave him if it was me, honey. But first I'd tell him how I felt about his friend. Hope I helped x
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