A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm so stressed out, I really need to share this, I've been with this guy for 3 months, very much like him, but his ex is always coming round. She has like keys to the flat, comes and stays for weekends if she's in town. Plus not only that but she is an artist and there are loads of her pictures up on the wall, signed with her name. Makes me feel sick to look at them.He says they are best friends so I tried to tolerate it, not be the jealous girlfriend. Yes I have issues with jealousy, so I know I have to learn to deal with it but seriously. He does her washing for her, even 'small' items if ya know what I mean. They were together 4 years ago. I don't know how long for. I asked him why they split up, and he said, they just decided they were better off as friends.Now I don't know, but I think other could have been some kind of sexual issue why they split. Because with me, he's been like, oh let's take it slow. I want to get to know you before doing anything physical. So I was really glad in the beginning, finally a guy who gives things a bit of space and time to develop. It was lovely. I totally fell for him. I love his style, his music (he's a guitarist and in a very successful kinda indie band) and we shared some really really sweet times. He's helped me with recording some of my songs, I been to see him play in some awesome venues and got AKA passes too, felt really great and exciting to be there with him. But when it comes to the bedroom...cell he phoned me six weeks into the relationship and said he had a problem which required surgery on his private parts, so I said ok, I'll be here for you, hope it goes well, kinda thing. Then the doctor said he didn't actually need surgery, it was a very minor defect. The thing is I guess he is very nervous about sex and we've tried now too many times but he can't do it. I think perhaps this is the same reason why he thinks that he and K are better off as friends...but I think he still loves her.If that makes any sense?If he wants to be with her I wish he just would do it! I can't stand seeing her shoes by the door, her hairbrush in the bathroom, you name it, he is even looking after her fish for her!!I go running to try and forget about her and take my mind off things but I'm so jealous, I could scream IN HER EAR!!Please help!
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best friend, his ex, jealous, split up Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Stayc63088  +, writes (20 September 2012):
 You are not a jealous girlfriend, you are a sane one. No woman in their right mind would allow their boyfriend to do these things. An ex is an ex for a reason and she should stay in his PAST. The sex issues are just a whole nother can of worms I won't get into, but he obviously has issues. I think he would be a good friend for you, not boyfriend material. This is all inappropriate and too much for a short time and early stages of a relationship. That's probably why him and his ex broke up too. You could attempt to have him give up on the ex as a close friend but I'm guessing he won't. And even then he will have the sex issues he won't openly communicate about without excuses. Best to move on.
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (20 September 2012):
 Hi
Definately not boyfriend material, you sound like his platonic friend not lover.
He clearly has an issue with sex for some reason, the excuses he is making.If he isn't going to come clean about the reasons or make advances after 3 months...well its up to you but I would just be his friend and find yourself a boyfriend..
The ex is far too 'in your face' too, no woman would tolerate that level of intrusion and be happy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2012): No! NO! NO! No exes lurking around! That's the rule! If they are such good buddies, then she should want him to move forward in his life and have a successful relationship with another woman. So she should pack up her little fishie and her gross hairbrush and check into a hotel. Or get a girlfriend. And most women don't want their boyfriends ex girlfriends hanging out with them. OR him alone. I was stupid and did this for a time. We even had to go out to dinner with her. And when I wasn't available to go out with a group of couples, they were the "couple" and she was my replacement. Just as friends, you see. Bull----! I think he liked feeling like more that one woman wanted him (which I believe she did), and she liked the fact that she got to "innocently" stir up a little trouble with us...because after all, they were like brother and sister, you know!) And she was bored and feeling sorry for herself because she didn't have a current man. Well, it caused many a problem. We broke up and she finally stopped hanging around when SHE got a boyfriend. Because , guess what? HER BOYFRIEND didn't want her hanging out with her ex and he put his foot down. So now she's married to do-the-right-thing-guy, and my guy and I are ka-put.If this guys friendship with this girl is more important than his relationship with you, then he has already made his choice. And, and this is no small "and"...any red-blooded male in the Universe is not going to make up excuses why he cannot have sex with his girlfriend! Holy! They want it all the time. He's either already got something sexual going with somebody else, is gay and hiding it for some reason, or has some sexual dysfunction problem that he needs to work out. You don't need or want that project!
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