A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone,My boyfriend was in a relationship with a woman for over 8 years and then came the big 'break up' my boyfriend went into depression,I dint know him then,I mat him abt 2 years ago thru a friend and I found him charming and attractive and made an effort to become friends with him,and we did,but he was always soo quiet and so distant like the life was taken out of him,eventually we got closer and he asked me out,all his friends thought he wld never date again,we'v been dating for a year and a half now,everything was going great,we love each other soo much,but now the ex is back in the picture,I don't know why has she come back after soo long,and she texted him wanting to meet up,I know I shouldn't be insecure but I also know my boyfriend went into depression cuz of this woman,he literally was suicidal,he dint laugh,eat and now she's back!I tried I pulled him out of this misery and now the woman want things back to where it was..I read a text from her that say 'hey I really want to meet you,I know its too late,but I'v realised my mistake and I can see myself with no one but you '..its up 2 my boyfriend what he wants to do,either stay with me or her!but I'l be hurt I know that!how do I deal with all this?
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (18 January 2013):
 "The ex-" can only "be back in the picture" IF your B/F allows that.....
Show this submittal to him and ask him, point blank, if his ex- is "back in the picture". IF he sez, "no," then take him at his word.... and don't mention your concerns to him again, until/unless there is some other evidence beyond her just being in the area.....
Good luck....
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2013): I don't know the level of comfort you guys have in your relationship or what your boundaries are but is this generally something you would be ok with? Him meeting up with a woman he had very strong feelings for with her clearly expressing interest in getting him back?I know I would NOT be ok with this. You can't expect your partner to have never had feelings for anyone else or to not ever see female friends but when the female is disrespecting your relationship by saying "I want to be with you", even if the guy has no attraction to her, he shouldn't meet up out of respect for you and him. Also everyone is tempted by other people at some point, it happens. But what makes people in monogamous relationships work out is they don't go putting themselves in situations where these temptations cause problems. This is exactly what would happen if he meets up with her and he knows this. Do you want him sitting next to you thinking about her? No that would make you feel like crap! He needs to either move on with you or go back to her, not play this game.You can't stop him if he wants to be with her. What you can and should do is make it clear that if he chooses to go and meet up with her you take that as a clear sign that he isn't interested in keeping your relationship going. Tell him you refuse to be second choice. He chooses you by not giving in to this woman who already ruined a part of his life and doesn't disrespect you/him by going to discuss a relationship with her. Or he goes and you guys are done. Its his choice but DO NOT be 2ND! If you just tell him sure go, I'll wait for you, you are saying you are fine with being his "back-up" choice if he decides to not be with her. No no no. Hold your head up straight and be strong.It would be different if she wanted to just catch up and be friends but her entire intention is to discuss being with him romantically again. There is no reason for him to go unless he actually wants to pursue a relationship with her which means he doesn't want one with you anymore.Please let us know what happens!
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