A
female
age
36-40,
*onkiegurl
writes:Is he in the relationship with me or his dad dating us too? what can I do to stop me from getting so angry when his dad calls?;I feel his dad calls to much and I know they have a close relationship and recently his dad found out he has cancer but It frustrates me on how much he calls! (he called this much even before he knew he had cancer) I have tried to talk about it with my boyfriend many of times now at first it was kind of jokes made about it but now he gets on the defense end and it starts to become an agreements. … Okay like yesterday for example I will give you play by play ( like his dad wants – haha! So the morning starts off like this: It’s my day off of work so I wanted to sleep in a little longer and cuddle with my man, but by 8:30ish his dad calls, of course he has to talk to him, then after getting off the phone he gets up quickly and starts getting ready. I ask him why the rush with getting up, he tells me “my dad is stopping by for a minute”. My reply was “Ugh, okay, why? Never mind whatever okay I’m getting up” (thinking to myself: “yah they’re probably like almost here”) so I get up and go lay on the couch. Sure enough At about 915ish AM his dad and step mom show up – visit for bout an hr then leave.. whoopdadeedoo! But then his dad called for some reason –it was like a 2minute conversation, still the fact is his dad is calling AGAIN- So now my boyfriend insists he needs to go over to his dads house to get something? (I think to myself) “Okay fine I guess” By this time its like 11 not thinking he’ll be gone for maybe an hour and half * 30 mins there, 30mins to look for whatever he needed, 30minute drive back* … Nope he was gone for 4 hours no call the whole time until 3pm ish, he calls and says “baby, I’m on my way home, are you ready? We need to go the store remember we need to get groceries and things for dinner tonight“ I tell him “Nope I’ve been laying around, why you want me to get ready to go with you? Cant you just pick something up on the way home” his response “no baby just gets ready I’ll be there in like 10minutes.” I say “ugh, okay I’ll get ready, bye love you too babe” hang up… he gets home not even 20minutes off being home his dad is calling (WTF! are you kidding me, really, he was just over there! WTF!) So by this time its 5 we are just pulling into the store to park nad guess what his phone is going off, Yes its his dad again. I’m assuming to check up and make sure he got to the store he suggest we go to and make sure he’s all okay made it there nice and safe like. Ha! So we do about an hour of grocery shopping we check out on our way home, we get home start cooking, and sure enough the phone rings it was my sister so of course I talk for a little bit … not longer then 15 mins before I get a beep on the other line which is his dad so I tell him I’m on the other line and I’ll have him call back when I’m done , about 15-20mins later after hanging up with my sister I then tell my boyfriend his dad called and yah he picks up the phone an immediately called him back and I hear my boyfriend telling “yes we went to that store, oh for dinner we’re having…, and I got some of …., and blah blah” I’m only guessing his dad was asking him questions of what we all got and if we got PROBABLY what he told to suggest of what we’ make for dinner and so on and so fourth… anyway this is an on going issue to for me what can I do to stop me from getting so angry when his dad calls? I’ve had enough and I’m going to snap! how long does it take for a parent (my boyfriends dad) to stop or at least cut down on how many times he calls his son in a day period when he doesn’t live at parents house and is in a relationship what can I do to stop me from getting so angry when his dad calls?
View related questions:
period Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, monkiegurl +, writes (20 January 2010):
monkiegurl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for your answers... but he also talks to him everyday like 30x a day. yes it may be separation anxiety! my boyfriend/ his son our relationship has been long distance for 2 years i haved also felt some worries (like is he cheating? will he leave me for someone else? etc.)with him too. I just didn’t realize some parents are actually that needy with attention from there kids still after they have grown been out of the house for more than 5 years and now in a relationship for the last 2 years....
I’m not asking my boyfriend to stop talking to his dad I’m just asking him to simply cut down on how much they talk… well…
i best friend as told me recently that she thinks i have changed quite a bit bc of his dads excessive need with know our every move, that i get more moody annoyed easily.
again thank you ... and please keep coming with the answers, I appreciate the feedbacks!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2010): I think your boyfriends Dad is feeling insecure and I would have thought having cancer can do that to you - worried about yourself, clinging to the people you love, possibly distracting yourself from reality. Have a heart and be very careful. I missed a Christmas with my ex boyfriend (who lives a long way away) because my Gran died. He got so frustrated about my delay - cruel in a way. A few months later the following year during an argument he said "It was convenient your Gran died, meant you didn't have to bother seeing me." I never forgave that remark.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2010): I really understand this and it would drive me insane too. Your description of the situation is exactly how I would describe something so I know where you are coming from. I know you won't get a lot of sympathy because of the cancer issue but I agree thecalling is far too much. I do not see the point of calling when you have seen the person 5 mins ago. I am in a similar situation but with regard to my step sons mother. This mother calls and asks to speak to the kid about ten times a day and then on to me so I can tell her exactly what we are doing. eating etc. It is way too much and drives me insane. My husband says that she is his mother and is calling to make sure he is ok but really it is far too much. I now go out each and every time the child comes around so I don't have to interact with her at all. As one other poster put the father is clearly suffering from separation anxiety and needs gently to be weaned off but this is difficult to do unless your boyfriend feels the same and with him being ill is a very hard one. I appreciate this constant calling is so annoying but at least it is your boyfriends dad and not another woman. Has your boyfriend recently left home to live with you? If so the Dad is probably just really missing him. All I can say is that it is supremely annoying but innocent and not worth getting wound up about. You have made your point and undoubtedly can do a few more groans and urgs when he calls so you have got your message across. Be careful though because your boyfriend will pick his relationship with his Dad over you so tread carefully if you want to keep him.
...............................
A
female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (20 January 2010):
 His dad has cancer, ...his dad may die! Your bf is not going to sit around if that happens regretting all the time he spent talking to him, ... he will sit around regretting all the times that he could have but didn't.
Now of all times is the time when you need to take a deep breath, calm down, and bite your tongue or your words will probably never be forgiven.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2010): My ex-wife's mother used to call at 6am on Saturdays- but my ex had told her not to call that early (so your man needs to man up and learn to draw a boundary). I was able to explain to her in terms she understood that she was never again to call before 10am. She never did...
...............................
A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (20 January 2010):
It is not your place to decide how much interaction he has with his family. His father obviously has some separation anxiety from his son and over time he will let go. If you try to separate them its likely that you will break up with your bf before that happens while they continue their relationship for another 60 years. You cannot determine the pace at which he becomes independent from his family. That's for your bf to decide. Be glad that its his dad not some floozy. Let it go. on another note, next time he disappears for 4 hours saying he is at his dad's house, call him on the landline there, not his cellphone.. Just to make sure he is where he says he is. Just tell him his cellphone is not going through and call the land.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2010): You have got to get a grip or your annoyance with the dad will ruin your relationship with your boyfriend. The dad has cancer, no one will feel sorry for you when this man has a terrible disease, it makes you look immature and selfish.
Dad calling all the time will wear off eventually, but the damage done by your reactions, will remain. Work on getting a different attitude about it, or allow yourself a reward every time he calls...something that would make you look forward to receiving calls from him. Is there something you like to do that you don't usually make time for? Do it each and every time he calls.
Also, try to feel compassion for this man, he is scared and afraid of loosing the ones he loves..he calls his son incessantly because he wants to spend one more minute with him, soon he will be out of time and this is scaring the be-jesus out of him. He loves his son and his time with him is limited by his mortality. He is afraid!
I hope you can find a constructive way to deal with this or you will end up recking your relationship :(
...............................
|
