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female
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anonymous
writes:I have been dating my guy for 2 and a half years or so, and recently we have been having a bit of trouble but I'm positive we can work through it however yesterday I found out this girl at work likes him. He left an email up on our computer of conversations they were having. At first its innocent banter, but she kept making coy little remarks, and pseudosexual innuendo's. He hasn't reciprocated however... After that it sparked my curiosity and I asked him... he doesn't think she likes him but it's obvious to me she does. In the next email she wrote she blatantly said he looked sexy in his halloween costume at work!!!! So I have asked him to stop talking to her. Although in the Email he has shown little interest he has cause problems in the past to make me not trust him. He said he needs to be nice to people at work so he didn't agree to it. I have made it clear he can be nice but not email her outside of work or be friendly just curtious. Am I being too demanding? She also knows he is not single. She recently lost about 100 lbs so she is not feeling overly confident and she seems to not care. Should I confront her through email and tell her to back off?HELP
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone. I'll take it all into consideration. She invited him to a party for halloween and he said no... and apparently other coworkers at the party said she got really drunk and was flirting with her boss boyfriend... I dont know what her problem is... shes just crazy i guess
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2006): Confronting this girl could be the last resort. The best scenario would be if your bf can stop communicating with her outside work. I think you're being reasonable, he can still talk to her, but only during work and as professionals. There's really no need for them to flirt. And it's obvious this other girl likes your man, and if all else fails, you need to make a stand.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2006): I don't think you are being too demanding at all.
I don't though, think it is your place to have to confront her. Your boyfriend is old enough, and mature enough, to look after himself. He doesn't need his partner going around fighting off potential temptations.
You've been together long enough for him to be able to do this - to know when there is a situation that he needs to confront in order to maintain a healthy, strong relationship.
I would find his reservations to stop contact with her very suspicious. If I were in your situation and my girlfriend turned around and seemingly refused to draw a line between having a professional working relationship and a more flirting-like relationship I would be a little concerned. Maybe he does have to talk to her at work, but maybe he doesn't.
At the very least, surely he needs to tell her, in no uncertain terms, that he is happily in a relationship and is not interested in having any kind of relationship with her? I bet if you knew he'd at least had a chat of this kind with her you'd feel miles better?
I'm sure he doesn't need to do much to reassure you - but it sounds like he has done nothing. How would he feel if he found out a guy at work was being this flirty to you? You need to try and get him to see why you are feeling the way you are. If he cares about you, that shouldn't be too difficult. Nor should it be too difficult to come to some kind of understanding where you are both happy and can put this situation behind you. Good luck :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2006): I dont think that you should contact her, but I think that you should trust your fella and tell him that if you find out that he has made a move on this girl then its over!.
but trust him, you may end up pushing him into her arms if you keep on at him.
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