A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:What should I do about my boyfriend's brother's girlfriend?We're going to a wedding in belgium the day after tomorrow. Sleeping in the same hotel as my boyfriend's brother's girlfriend. Last night my boyfriend was at their house sorting out the hotel arrangements and my boyfriend was told by his bro girlfriend Nicole that my boyfriend's mum said about me to to her, "She's(ME) a very shy person so you need to look after her for me" Nicole said "I'm not going to be her baby sitter"! If she's too shy to talk, I'm just going to leave her, I'll walk away!"My boyfriend is taking me to Spain next month she said to my boyfriend"Why are you wasting your money to take her to spain?"She was talking to my boyfriend last night and said"See this Belgium trip, I have a feeling I won't lie your girlfriend."My boyfriend is a very calm person, she knows this and takes the piss. Sometimes he eyes her when she says stuff like this and then she starts licking his bum, hes kind hearted so he'll let it lie.. But now he says this is the last straw, he's going to tell her that she should stop.But this is the thing, thats all well and good. But it doesn't stop the fact that she's already but her mouth on me, We're going on an 11 hour journey on the coach and staying in the same hotel. I can't say much to her because my boyfriend will be on the spot.But I really can't stand people like her.I've been told before that she is a very jealous person and likes to think she's better than anyone else and that her relationship is perfect.She buys everything for her boyfriend, her boyfriend beats her up until she's black and blue. She's got a child for another guy. Do you think maybe she's just jealous of our relationship and just insecure.Adding to this. The night after she said this. Which is today, is her birthday and my boyfriend, in the same breath concluding that he's very offended and pissed off with her. Said he's not going. And now he's gone and said that he's only going for food and when I told him I'm not comfortable and felt like he didn't care that this was like a sign for her to keep talk sh*t, he said he's not the kind of person to hold grudges straight away, also he just said "Just wait and see what I'm going to do about this. I know what I'm doing, I know what I'm going to do"This makes me feel like he's really not bothered about the way she's being and in a way it makes me feel left out. There all at her house and he's gone there for "her cooking" it's like. What's keeping him there? If someone was being mean like that towards him. I'd grin and bare it when I HAD to. Not play happy families. He may just be going there for food but he's obviously not as he left me to go to hers and he's still there as his phone is not on.I am really thinking logically about what to say about this to him, and also how to deal with this girl for the days ahead.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2010): well, it could be a combination of things. First u mentioned indirectly that u are shy, so perhaps she took ur shyness as a signal that u do not like her. it has a self fulfilling proficiency effect- basically that means that when u think a person doesnt like u, she or he is going to react that way back. why? because of the way u present yourself to them. for instance,ure cold, distant and ur body language is closed up. and perhaps she thinks that u think she is below you and that u judge her negatively based on her life or looks.
maybe, like u mentioned she is jealous which fuels her dislike towards u. ive been in the same situation. now that im a lil older and ive moved on from the rel, ive realised that i was the one who acted cold towards her because of my shyness. she mistook it and was a complete bitch to me as a result.
also i felt that there was a lil competition going on her behalf but it was something i could have avoided if i had just acted friendly and put an effort to be nice to her.
maybe u could put the effort in being much nicer to her. maybe u could explain that u guys have gotten on the wrong foot and that she misunderstood ur shyness for something else.
if she reacts badly after all that effort thn at least u can tell urself that u arent to blame and that u tried at least.
also, dnt get upset bout ur bf going there for her birthday. hes neutral towards her and prob did it out of politeness. what happens between u guys has not much to do with u because she is after all the gf of his brother.
its nice that he tries to be nicer to her and cordial. would u want ur bfs brotehr to be cold and distant towards u just because she didnt like u?
anyway, u shouldnt take it offensively that she does not like u. basically its because she has not gotten to know and has judged ur personality in a very different way.
anyway, i hope u enjoy urself because tis always nice to visit a new country :)
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