A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:What to do when your boyfriends brother hates you???? I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years, and we've been really close friends for couple years before we started dating. We started officially dating summer of '07 and for the first year my boyfriend, his brother, his brothers girlfriend, and I where all inseparable. We all got along and traveled and got along great with each other. Then April '08 we got into a huge fight (the girlfriend and I) a stupid fight that we both apologized for but i dont think either of us have really truly let it go. All summer was awful none of us talked, my boyfriend and I found a new great group of friends and times just got worse between the 4 of us. September '08 all 4 of us get into a major fight and his brother calls me out and says im talking shit about everybody(i wasnt) anyways it was very hurtful night and from that the whole situation has escalated to be 1000x worse. To make matters worse my boyfriend and his brother own a house together and his brother got married and now she lives there too. I still live with my mom so getting away from them isnt really an option. So my question is, how do you cope with the situation. I cant even walk into a room without being completley ignored. And then talked about when I leave. This has been going on sense September.I just want out of this negative enviorment but don't know how without leaving my boyfriend behind. anyways sorry for the long complicated story. If anyone has any advice it would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Miss_Stone  +, writes (26 January 2009):
You've got to clear the air. No matter what happens, the brother and the woman, his wife now?...will always be in your boyfriend's life, so all four of you must work on the relationship.Cook a magnificent meal. Nothing shows love or regret more than a beautifully cooked meal. Have some wine. Then while everyone is eating and relaxed, talk. Although the situation may not have been your fault, apologise for your part in the argument. Ask the brother and his wife to remember the good times, when you all enjoyed each other's company; tell them that though the relationship may never be the same again, you hope that it can all be put behind you, so all four of you can move on.If it doesn't work, then at least you tried, and at that point, you can start making plans for the rest of your life with your man. If that happens, I suggest you ask your man to move in with you somewhere, otherwise your relationship just won't survive. Remember always to be civil and polite to the brother and his wife when you meet, no matter what the provocation - ignore their sly comments and barbs.All four of you must let it go. Life's just too short.
A
female
reader, Artistry +, writes (26 January 2009):
 Hey there, First let me say that i do not think your boyfriend's brother hates you. The two of you have a way of pushing each other's buttons, and neither one of you want to back down when it gets heated. He is always going to be your boyfriend's brother, now that he has married his lady, she will be his wife, for however long they are together, so there are the players. Now, if you love this man and you want to possibly marry him, then you will have to learn to avoid unneccessary arguments, even if you believe you are right on a subject, take the high road, give in, surprise him, let him win, and go on your way, what does it take away from you to let it go. It doesn't give you a million dollars if you win the argument either, so what's the point? Learn to let it go, better still keep a lower profile for a while, do some meditating to build your reserve for allowing people to just run their mouths without you contridicting them, speaking specifically about your may-be brother-in law soon. Don't allow yourself to be pulled into places where there will ultimately be an argument, some people love confusion, you have to hone your antenna so that you seee it coming and avoid the pitfall. Try to be more mature than he is, there does seem to be an emotional immaturity on his part, and you seem to allow yourself to be dragged into his trap. There coild also be a level of attraction for you by your boyfriend's brother, without acting on it, and it comes out in an arguementive form. I could be dead wrong on that, but something is triggering these occassions of outbursts between you for very low grade reasons. You have to be the grown-up, just don't say anything of import around them, save it for when you can converse with adults, who know how to agree to disagree. Hope this helps, silence is sometimes golden. Limited input may gain you limited arguements. Take care. Stay in touch.
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