A
female
age
30-35,
*ici9090
writes:I'm not really sure what to do or say and if I should. Basically just before the new year my boyfriend, his cousin, and I went over to his best friends house for some fun time of dancing and drinking (just the four of us). After it got to being around 330 or 5 and after a lot of alcohol (excluding my bf because he was driving)he decided he had to get home and get his cousin back at his home too. But he also decided he was too tired to drive me home too and that I would have to stay there for the night. I was so drunk off my ass that i couldn't even get up and protest to the idea by just getting in his car. Anyways, to the point, while I was there I was raped by his bff. Later on I told him about it and at first he tried to ignore it, then brought it up with the guy who denied it, he believed him, then after several days/ maybe a week or more he slowly changed his mind about believing me. Although I still can't believe that he wants us to try and be friends (me and the guy) and that he still hangs out with him and says he's a really good friend. I believe in my heart and mind that he does love me, though, I believe he also still truly denies it happened in his head so that he can still have both of us and only says he believes me because if he didn't I think he knows I for sure would leave him. What should I do to get some peace of mind (and please give some different varied suggestions instead of just all saying to leave him or something like that).
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female
reader, lissylove +, writes (25 January 2011):
last year i went to a mountain party... i got really messed up and all i remember was being told that if i didnt act like it was mutual and that i wanted it then id get hurt. the same guy who told me that was my boyfriends best friend. so he led my boyfriend to believe i cheated on him and i was so scared to tell him the truth because its just not the kind of thing you want to admit to anyone, youre scared they wont believe you, scared its your fault, you never know.i was so scared that i played it off as if i did cheat on him and he doesnt understand why.. he thinks i made it up like his best friend isnt a sick freak that is derranged in the head. so now hesstuck, he doesnt know who to believe. he doesnt understand that i had to hurt him in order to keep myself feeling safe thati didnt feel like he was enough protection for me. to this day i still havent gone to the police because i dont have any proof. i dont know why he doesnt believe me but im trying my damn best to get him to understand.. but i think the truth is he never will.. theyneed to be in our position in order to understand and believe
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2009): Hi, the same thing happened to me a couple of months ago. My bf left me at the bowling alley with his bff and his bff bi- gf. He left cause he got mad at me, well anyways his bff was suppose to take me to my car but instead the two of them took me to his house and raped me. My bf didn't in the beginning was there for me through the whole police process but now he isn't sure of who is telling the truth since his friend took a lie detector test and passed. I told my bf that I was telling the truth- that isn't something I would lie about but instead I really just want it to go away- and that I could understand that if he could not handle something like this and wanted to break up. All I asked is that he does not remain friends with this guy because he is sick in the head. This guy just stole a piece of me, something that I treasured very dear to my heart. All I want to say is that, your bf if he is a real man he will do whatever he can to protect you and keep u safe. Maybe the guys were in on it, maybe your bf is scared to admit that his bff is a pervert. I don't know but honestly he doesn't need to be around u and u need to tell them that. Even if u don't go to the police, u still need some sort of peace of mind.
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A
male
reader, Kanz +, writes (29 July 2009):
i find it fishy. even, there might be a conspiracy and a setup. I get the feeling your bf wanted to get away from you that night. I don’t know if it had something to do with the cousin, although not necessary it have. Assuming my suspicions are in place, I doubt the bff rape was part of the plan. Rather a bilateral incidence that served to the bff crime.
A question you should ask your self, other than the "present" good time and feelings your having with, and toward, this guy now, what dose he mean, and where he stands, in the full picture of your self-respect and pried of your wellbeing and your ambition life and future?
.. that should help you decide
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A
female
reader, aunty_rach  +, writes (5 February 2009):
did you report it to the police? remember it was not your fault! also an important part of recoverying from a rape is that the ones you love should believe you and support you through this. i'm sure your bf was shocked when you told him and he should listen to you and believe you. i know you dont want people to tell you to leave him, but if he is not going to support you through this, then he is not going to be much help hun. remember what you went through was not your fault! you survived an awful experience and you need the help to get through the recovery. you may have post-rape trauma, so you will need people who care and believe you to be around you. i'd suggest getting some sort of theraphy too. there are rape crisis centres and people there who are there to help you. if he does not want to believe and help you, then i'm sorry but he is not worth it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2009): Wow I'm sorry I really have nothing much to say but to leave him, what boyfriend would leave their girlfriend at some place that late, drunk, and knowing there are other guys there? Even if there wasn't anybody there he should know that its dangerous for you to be alone like that. I don't know but it sounds kind of fishy to me, why would your bf drive you there and decide to not drive you home? Why would he leave you at his guy friends house? This just doesn't sound right at all..no matter how drunk I am, my bf will make sure that I'm OK and that I am safe home.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2009): there isn't any variation in the answer. leave him. the same exact thing happened to me last year.. except my bf and I had broken up before his best friend raped me. I went to the police and with all the evidence the guy was arrested. however, while the guy was in jail my ex still kept in contact with him and continued the friendship. people like that are not worth your time or effort. you need to be with someone who respects you and someone who will be there for you during times when you need it most. how can he want you to be friends with this guy? its ridiculous, and you know it. you need to think about the welfare of yourself and get away from these shitty people.good luck. and you should probably talk to someone about the incident. justice should be served and in turn you yourself will feel a whole lot better.
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