A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I enjoy sex together a lot. But lately things have been horrible. We both kinda like our sex rough and never had a problem. However, he just started graduate school and is working full time so he feels crushed for time. I like to have sex as frequently as he does but I dont get turned on as quickly as he does. So now, when he comes home, instead of taking the time to do the whole 4 play and turning each other on, he does enough to get himself hard, throws on a condom, and swipes on some lube and goes in. It's been 2 weeks of this and it's painful. Because I'm not turned on to the point of being wet, my vagina hasnt expanded. He's also the first guy I'm having sex with in about 3 years.. ( lesbian period lol) so things are already a little tight. But last night the pain was unbearable and I had him pull out. He got mad at me and suggested that if i dont want to have sex then dont lead him on and let him in. I did want to have sex but is it my fault he didnt get me wet. This is becoming an issue in our relationship unfortunately. He thinks lube is the answer but it's starting to irriate my vagina. It's beginning to hurt to pee and is very sore hours after we had sex. How do I explain to my boyfriend that he's hurting me and this has to change or we cant have sex?? And has anyone had a boyfriend or been addicted to using lube??
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male
reader, oldcat +, writes (3 October 2009):
Tell the boy what you want-exactly what you want and don't take no for an answer. Make it as grapic as you can and you both should be turned on. Take charge if he starts to rush things. Tell him what to kiss, touch, tease, and carress, and just have fun! And put the condoms in YOUR night stand and when the time is right insist that you put it on for him. And as far as the lube, tell him if he needs that to go solo and let you know how it turns out. Hope it works out, if not there are a lot of good guys out there.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2009): As a guy, all I can say is that your boyfriend should quite honestly just be glad you've put up with him doing this to you for two weeks! That's certainly much more than you should have to endure for his enjoyment with none in return. I think you are right in realizing that something definitely needs to change.
Your boyfriend seems to think that because you are not enjoying the sex then you did not want to have it in the first place, which is not true. In reality, you're not enjoying the sex because he hasn't made it enjoyable for you. To be honest, I would think that would be fairly clear to him (and most people) - sex isn't just a one-sided thing.
I think you will just have to tell him exactly what you said in your last line, he's hurting you and if it doesn't change then you can't have sex. You're not being unreasonable, far from it, you are just wanting to to be good for BOTH of you, not just him. He needs to take a step back and realize that if he does care about you and actually wants sex to be a good, relationship-building experience that he needs to take the extra time.
If you tell him this and he acts defensively, bruhes it off, or still continues to try to blame you for things not being fun or enjoyable, then maybe you need to re-evaluate how he feels about you. I hope things work out for you, please keep us updated. And as always, if you need more advice, feel free to message.
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A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (11 September 2009):
 As a man who was more horny than my recent girlfriend, and who felt hurt that she couldn't provide what I wanted, I STILL have to say that if he doesn't take the time to get you turned on, doesn't wait until you're ready, and is literally hurting you because he cares more about his sex than your interest: that's rape.
I didn't get what I needed out of my last relationship, but I ALWAYS made sure she was wet, would give her oral, would make HER climax, even though I very seldom was given anything in return (indeed, I usually went home unspent). If he loves you, then YOUR needs have to come first. Yes, ideally you should put HIS needs first too, but not above your own HEALTH!
I've heard it said, that women are worth dying for, and any man you let into your bedroom must first love you enough to be willing to die for you. He's not even willing to wait for you, so he doesn't deserve a blow or a screw. Period.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2009): You just need to be honest. If he cares and loves you it won't be a problem (had a similar issue myself very recently, you just need to man up and tell it as it is!!!) and he'll want you to enjoy yourself too... :)
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