A
female
age
51-59,
*hikiraclare
writes:I am good at giving advice to others but when it comes to myself; I am useless.Anyway my problem isn't a complicated one but does need insightful advice. I've been with my partner for four months but have known him as a friend for two years and were very attracted to each other even as friends but he for whatever reason didn't want to get into anything with me when he was still getting over an earlier rejection.We have been doing a lot of bonding but I am ready to take things to the next level and have sex with him but he finds reasons to not want to do it and says it is because of his self-esteem and being overweight (which he is doing something about) but I am left feeling very frustrated and confused because he hugs and kisses me a lot and is very eager to see me everyday even when I say I am busy and texts me lovely messages. However, I'm finding it difficult managing my emotions around him when he can also be very critical of me or finds faults and sometimes makes me feel invisible when he talks non stop about trivial things.When we kiss; I want it to be passionate but he doesn't let me get that far and sometimes treats me as a sister as opposed to a lover which doesn't turn me on at all and feel quite angry about it when this doesn't feel like how a relationship should be. I've asked him several times if he would just like us to be friends and he reassures me that he doesn't and wants me as his girlfriend. I am fearful that he won't get round to making love with me or if there is a future with this man I really want something with. I do pamper his needs a lot but rarely get anything in return and I am trying hard not to make him treat me as if I am a door mat - is this the problem?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2009): There is a huge disconnect between you and him and he clearly does not view you as an equal as you say you feel like a door mat. On the face of it he isn't attracted to you at all and is just going through the motions with you. I could say he is conflicted because he bats for the other team but that would be too glib. It could be that he values you as a friend too much to tell you outright what his intentions really are and that you are just keeping him company until the other relationship resolves.If you are living together you should separate as he is not the guy you thought he was. He has changed. You are not on the same page. Perhaps separating may cause him to open up and if not you are free to look for someone else.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2009): if u love him i think tat u should wait until hes ready
im not sure wat to say but
i think tat u should try to calm down ur harmones..
cuz it is hard sometimes if theres a moment of kissing and hugging..
he shouldnt let his wt bother him..my bf think hes fat but
i tell him how i really feel tat i dont care if he is or not
im wit him bcuz he is himself..i tell him stuff tat i really feel about his weight and how it doesnt bother me at all..
this will encourage and boost his esteem
sorry if i didnt help
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