A
female
age
36-40,
*helby1985
writes:Hi Guys, I'm new to the site and I need a bit of advice.I have been with my boyfriend for approx 6 months (doesnt sounds long I know), We were friends before and it grew into a relationship. I knew that this guy lived with his ex and 5 year old child before I got involved but didnt really think much of it. Him and his ex were together for 6 years but broke up 18 months ago because she cheated on him, She is still with the guy she cheated with but I have been told by friends (I know you shouldnt listen to hearsay) that her relationship isnt serious. My partner and I have got serious quite quickly, with us both agreeing that we would like to live together in the future. My partner also has a very stressful job and works long hours. The problem I have is that although I would like to move forward with the relationship my partner says that he wont move out of the property he shares with his ex because he will not leave his child and he says that there is no hope that his ex will leave either, He says that she wont leave the child with him and her parents wont allow her to move out without the child. When the realtionship first started I saw him nearly every day as he was on holiday from work and we would both do things with the child (swimming etc) however since he has been back to work I now hardly ever see him, I asked him a few weeks ago what his future plans were with regards to his living situation and he said he didnt have one, He said that it was obvious that I was getting annoyed with the situation and that I needed to make a decision, He didnt really seem bothered about us. His child stays with grandparents on friday and saturday nights so I do normally see him on these nights but we never do anything during the day on weekends because he is doing things with his child. I have met his child a few times and I dont understand why suddenly I seem to be pushed out when he wants to do things with her. His ex is aware that he is with me and as far as I know (I have asked him) she doesnt have a problem with me seeing the child. She has banned me from the house so I have to rely on him coming to see me. Because his ex goes out most nights he is stuck in the house and I cant go and see him. It is really getting me down as I dont understand how we can move forward whilst they are still living together. I would never ask him to choose as I know his child would win but I dont feel like he is being very fair to me at the moment. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2010): I think you should reconsider you and your BF relationship.Cause he can't give you as much time as you want.That can be a problem in the future.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2010): Its only been six month n already u having these problems. How will ur life be 3 years from now? Probably da same. I say leave the bastard. He probably lying to u neway about all this. come on now he sleeps under da same roof with his "ex". if u aint heard it fom her then I say he lying. Get out now while is still fresh. da longer u wait the harder da fall. Be smart...
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A
female
reader, It's all be okay +, writes (26 April 2010):
I have a male friend in this situation - he lives with his kids and his ex wife comes round regularly. He doesn't have his girlfriend round very much, because he finds it awkward with the kids, and doesn't want to present the girlfriend as a potential new mum. Also, he wants his ex wife to feel comfortable coming round regularly and seeing the kids. So he has no intention of changing, for what he sees as very good reasons.His girlfriend is not happy with it, and I can see that, and when she regularly dumps him, I think he should let her go. But he doesn't - he just wants to continue to have a girlfriend on his own terms and with everything in his life the way it is at the moment.I suspect your boyfriend is the same. You need to decide whether this is the relationship that you want in the long term, or whether you'd like to find someone to settle down with who does not have this prior commitment. Only you can decide what you can live with, but the fact that you wrote in probably means that you're not happy with it right now.
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A
male
reader, Brunel  +, writes (25 April 2010):
Well there in lies the trap. If he cared enough about you he would have no concerns in moving up a gear in the relationship. I fear as he can have you and his kids mum, it is time for you to call a halt today this evening!
Find someone who wants you all the time ?
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (25 April 2010):
Unfortunately you've picked a guy who has these issues and you knew about them when you got together.
You are never going to be first with him, and you are going to have to put up with the long hours.
I'm not sure why you are banned from their house, but going round when she's not in seems the only chance you will get to see him.
To be honest, this is why I would never date a guy with kids. He chose to have this kid and so he has to deal with the fact it may cause him to ruin good relationships.
You could walk away and find someone else who doesn't have these issues.... or you can learn to put up with all this crap to get this guy part time.
Good Luck!! xx
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