A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My bf of 3 years (he is 43 and I am 32) who I have a 1 and a half year old son with has performance anxiety in the bedroom and won't ever finish making love when we do get it on as he is scared to make me pregnant again - I reassured him that I have not had a period yet since the birth and protect myself etc. but what has upset me is the fact that how can I tell if he has fallen out of love with me. He never wants to have sex anymore. Its always my idea which has really hit my self-esteem hard. He gifted a lady in his job but I thought nothing of it cos I figure she is just a friend - don't think there is any emotional connection there - think he is just scared to become a dad again and the lack of money is what is really bothering him - but I am feeling v rejected all the time and he never even does oral or other forms of stimulation and well its getting me down and I find myself comfort eating too much - thankfully haven't put on weight or anything - but am miserable from the lack of love - its as if I had my son and after the birth he didn't want sex anymore. I spoke to him about this all but it just makes his anxiety worse so can't really talk about it :( any ideas of what the hell is going on - he just won't relax and yet he needs to. I guess he is no longer emotionally close to me and I have difficulty accepting that ugh. Any thoughts in terms of how I could possibly fix all this? Thanks
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (7 May 2013):
 Draw back on the emotional talk, many men don't like that. Sex and romance is always tough for new parents, both women and men. It's normal for men to have errection problems due to hurting their woman or making new babies, after pregnancy.What can you do... Babies and parents are one thing, mother and fathers are another... but husbands and wife (girlfriend and boyfriend are a totally different issue) Make time for more romance, not necessarily penetrative sex. But the sweet sexy things you did to get him (looking good, flirting, smiling, grabbing his butt) Just make sure he sees more than the unhappy mother, make him see that flirty girl he made the baby with. If his dick goes down cause his nervous, don't make no noise, just go run a bath with some bubbles and take him in there.Make him see the woman of his dreams, who in the flick of an eye can be loving mother by day, and sexy queen by night. And if he won't give you the loving you need.. heck, your a modern girl, please yourself and make him watch.Try happiness and romance (even when it's tough) for a month and see if it makes a difference. If he responds well, then it's your turn to ask "what the hell happened to the horny guy I met"? Then it's your turn to get the bubble bath's and naked massages.Good luck.PS: My suggestions cost no money, just a little effort, thought and a whole pile of loving.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2013): I fear your boyfriend is no longer in love with you. He is only staying because you have a child together. He doesn't want to look bad for leaving you alone with a child. He doesn't feel anything for you; so sex is boring with you. He's tired of taking care of you.His heart really isn't in it. He is there for his son, and doesn't want anymore children. He has no intention of marrying you, and he needs a way out.He knows your family would hate him if left you, or he would be gone by now. You are desperately clinging to him.Why did he give another woman a gift? If he has so little money, how can he afford to do that? If there was nothing to it, why did you bring it up in your post? Why is he being nicer to a friend than he is to you?Prepare to let him go. Read the sad words you have written. How badly you feel.He is purposely making you feel as miserable as he can, until you force him to leave. Then he can get out of supporting you and your child, and find someone else.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2013): You should go on birth control pills. That should make him feel relaxed.
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