A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Questions, specially from all the guys out there. Do all men have to watch porn? Is it OK for a guy, who is in a relationship, to go to gentleman clubs. The thing is that I've been having problem with understanding why my bf watches porn or go to gentelman clubs (he does not know that I know). The story is that in several ocasions I have discovered that my bf had either gone to one of those clubs , searching and calling escorts, and watching porn. Last lime I confronted him and he came up with the most outrageous story that I did not belive. I let it go, but I had just discovered that he’s been going to this Risque Club Video and when I search is another gentlemen’s club and he had been go from 12:00 am to 2:00 am, belive me I know!!. I understand that we live in different states and he is young and have needs, but I visit him twice a month. Now I don't know what you guys do on those clubs, if someone can tell me it would be great. The idea that I don't know what he does kills me inside. Could he be buying porn movies? If is movies I am OK but I am not OK about actually interaction.I have not confronted him yet ‘cause I don’t want him to know that I am invading his privacy since I had gone through all of his things. But, I want to know if it’s OK for guys to do this. My uncle says that is OK for man to watch porn but to actually go? Do they have sex on those places?He went just last night and I asked him what did he do after we hanged out the phone and he say nothing. It bothers me that he lies to me, the the fact that he goes after midnight makes me belive that it is not a video he is going to get 'cause he waits untill I am sleep. I know that I have no right to check his things but I cant trust him. Last time I visited him I found condons on his drawer and he said that they gave them to him on the street? Do they provide you with condons in this place? Do they have sex? Sorry that the letter is long but I am desperate and very confused..please help me clear my head, I am not thinking straight.!!I am thinking the worst here!!!Please be honest, Does any of you go to gentleman clubs and your gfs don't even know about it? Is is common? Is it possible that he could be having sex around or Am I over reacting?
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male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (13 February 2010):
 Most dirty thing with sex, is to make it a public show in form of porn, or alive in clubs, The worst than dirt is to use sex to make money. There are still many category of misuse...just to use it for political goal etc...why? must be the question, and there must be one and only one objective answer. I am giving that answer.
Why sex is used in such a way that causes lot of hurt in relation? It is absence of true vision about sex, that permits many misuses. The spiritual vision about sex is remain always in secrecy, that make all corruption possible.
Generally it is attributed to male's libido, but male has no such libido...or strong desire. It is also said, that male has to dispose of his sperm in order to relax....are illusory vision about sex. People really have no vision about true nature of 'SEX PLEASURE' is only possible one answer for all sort of corruption.
I recommend, specifically to female to study tantra, and be teacher of sex, at least for their chosen lover or husband and see the result.
A
male
reader, Daveeeeeee  +, writes (13 February 2010):
 Interesting ..the poster wanted the view of men and all she got was one guy , the rest from women , these views are not relevant to the question .
Sweet poster you live in different states , you should be jumping for joy if all hes doing is watching porn , and going to strip clubs . He WILL NOT be having sex in strip clubs , that I can assure you of that . Gentlemans clubs are fantastic , sensual , erotic , exoctic and a real turn on ..But its just good clean fun . He is doing that for you so he will NOT be unfaithful ..You are fortunate to have such a good guy .
Porn , Im personally not into porn , but MOST guys are , Its just for me I dont like just looking at books or Dvds , but I love the real thing , actual flesh and the teasing , constant teasing of lap dancing , plus I have worked in Adult entertainmemt . Women with strippers are far worse than guys ( generally ) and thats the truth .
Remember the Western World is about the only part of the world that trys to present monogomy as a realistic option ..IT IS NOT! men my nature want multiple lovers , Its to defy nature to say a guy can just have one woman , he wants to spread his seed ..this is for the survival of the species . Your guy is young ..What do you expect him to do ? you on see each other twice a month , hope you make sure he is well and truly " emptied " then .
Im presenting you the facts ..not some fantasy land story from out of a smiling Book ..Please understand , he is doing the right thing by you .
ps . I realise this is an old topic , I like to rekindle the old stuff from time to time ..Your original comment was a complete over reaction .
I wish you well .
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2008): NO its not ok not all men have to watch porn
in my opinion any form of porn is cheating and not ok at all
me and my bf have an awesome relationship and love each other we dont need porn
you deserve a real relationship and real love too!
:)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI want to thank you all for your advices and comments. Right now I am going through some really rough time. I have not been able to confront my bf and I don't even feel like talking to him on the phone. I really wouldn't like to discuss things over the phone, but it is very hard to hide how i am feeling, and he is starting to get upset at my attitude since he does not know. I just need some time I guess to think this through, and it's harder 'cause of the holidays and all; but I really don't want to feel betrayed anymore and I wish to have a happy new year 2008.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2007): Hney, you need to ditch this sleazbag and find a guy who deserves you! You teach people how to treat you, personaly I would never accept this behaviour from any man. You deserve so much more....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2007): No, not all guys need porn. Some believe that they do. But obviously it is not a need since porn has never been this widespread before, and men survived for years without access to so much of it.
My boyfriend and I sometimes (though rarely) watch porn together. It doesn't do much (in terms of sexual arousal) for either of us but it does give us ideas for new positions, etc.
As for strip clubs, they are very seedy places. It is NOT uncommon for sexual interaction to occur between the dancers and their clients. These women seduce men for a living, remember, that is how they make their money. Private rooms are there for a reason- think, why would they need privacy? Not all the girls are willing to do sexual favors for cash, but many are. Most of them are desperate for cash which is why they have resorted to selling their bodies in the first place. Stripping is rarely a first choice or a lifetimes dream for these women.
I know many girls who have worked at these clubs and they have told me terrible stories. Most men don't view the sexual relations as cheating, the same way most men don't view "happy ending" massages as cheating. They are paying for a service. The women do whatever they can to arouse their clients because the best way to get to a mans wallet is when he believes that he might get laid out of it. Mens brains tend to shut down when they are aroused. They will get caught up in their erections and lustful feelings and forget all about any relationships they have. It is very easy to persuade a man, whether he be married or not, to do sexual and inappropriate things, once he has had a beer or two and once you have given him an outrageous lapdance. Once that boner appears, he's like putty in your hands.
This is what my stripper friends have told me, at least. Many married men go to the clubs for on-the-side action. Most feel totally justified in doing so as well.
Porn isn't that big a deal unless it is an addiction, but strip clubs are quite seedy and most (not all, but certainly the majority) men do not have the self-control to turn down a sexy woman writhing about in their laps. He has probably cheated on you.
Sorry,
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2007): I don't mean to disappoint you cause I know I am not a guy and that's the opinions your looking for and I don't blame you. But I do believe that those types of clubs are for sex and stripping. What goes on in those clubs is probably he gets lapdances by naked girls and probably has sex with them.
And the fact that he has condoms laying around, that probably definitely means that he is having sex. I'm sure he has had sex at these clubs.
So yeah. And don't pay attention to the reader below of "why do you go out with a guy like this." I mean you didn't know. We all make mistakes and poor choices sometimes. And I KNOW that guys who cheat and lie like that are one of the most traumatizing guys you can ever date.
And because he is a pathelogical liar I don't think you will ever get him to confess. At this point though you should really try to move on. He is DEFINITELY up to no good and if you keep searching further you are going to discover things that are going to devastate you even more and really mess with your emotions. I would just take the evidence that you have as enough to break it off, move on and get someone better.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2007): hey... i used to be a dancer. and i still go to clubs with my husband. be weary. i have had sexual encounters with many men. married or not. they pay for it too. also, my husband has been with women. truly, they are dirty places with many drug addicts that willdo anything for the next high. i am being completely honest with you. i have been there. most likely, your bf has become accustomed to the very easy attention he gets. all he has to do is show the wallet.
some men behave themselves. but most do not. sometimes the girls even propostition them. i go with my husband. i like it. i dont just go to make sure he isnt doing something. sometimes i even let him. i am not jealous, but i know how hard the life of a dancer is.
so definately be careful. it is a dangerous dirty world in those clubs.
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