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My boyfriend wasnt paying me any attention when we had a threesome but now I think I want to try another one!

Tagged as: Gay relationships, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 September 2009) 6 Answers - (Newest, 16 December 2010)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

so I'm bisexual female and Ive had the same boyfriend for over a year now. a threesome came up in our conversation about four months ago and we'd thought it be fun to try it with one of my friends thats a girl whos also a bisexual, we asked and she said yes. so she came over to our apartment and got drunk and me and her and my boyfriend were laying on the bed. and she was like alright lets get to the sex i got out a condom and he started takin her clothes off then she gave him oral sex.. he didnt give me any attention at all. then he started sucking on her boobs and i felt very uncomfortable. when he kissed he i felt a sharp pain in my heart like it was being ripped outta my chest. i couldnt bear to see them have sex i thought i would die.

so i made myself puke to stop it and my boyfriend rushed to help me but he seemed kinda mad that i said i wouldnt be able to do it. so he asked if he could finish with her without me and i said no and he got pissed. i think my friend knew what was up. my boyfriend was very mad. wen i told him how i really felt about the whole thing the next day and how he wasnt giving me any attention and that i just couldnt do it bcuz i loved him so much he got mad. so we didnt do them anymore. but heres the weird thing i like to talk about having another 3 some with him.. I'm turned on but the expirience of my boyfriend doing stuff with other girls i no well but I cant really do it. wuts wrong with me?

View related questions: boobs, condom, drunk, oral sex, threesome

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2010):

Threesomes are tricky. Experiment and spice up your sex life vs. get jealous seeing your boyfriend fool around with another girl. Here's my opinion, for what it's worth. There is nothing wrong with wanting to experiment. But everybody involved in that experiment should understand it for what it is -- an EXPERIMENT. Everybody should be prepared for any outcome. If somebody's feelings get hurt, everybody should stop and take the time to make sure they're okay. If that means stop, then stop. If you need to throw up to make it stop, that should send a very clear message to your boyfriend that it's hurting you, and that should come before the sexual gratification. I think he was selfish to get angry at you. He needs to understand that it's a sensitive area and that being a caring SO means understanding when your loved one's limits have been pushed too far.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (11 September 2009):

Honeypie agony auntNot all fantasies need to be played out. Some are just perfect if they stay in your own head.

I don't think you are ready for another 3-some.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2009):

"i made myself puke to stop it"

"i like to talk about having another 3 some with him.. "

"and i said no and he got pissed."

Ok here is the thing, sweetie. Some people have shellfish allergies and they cant eat it without their body having a violent, possibly fatal reaction. That doesnt mean that shrimp isnt delicious. Shrimp is probably delicious to them too. But they cant eat it- so they dont even if it would taste good. Thats where you are- a threesome might be fun in abstract, but *you* cant handle it so there is no point revisiting that.

Secondly your boyfriend was super into this kinky situation. Then you come by and plug the when he is already boning down! Dont you get thats like a level 9 cock block!?

You cant eat shellfish, your boyfriend can. Dont keep talking about the shrimp buffet down the street because that isnt going to end well.

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A male reader, Illithid United States +, writes (11 September 2009):

Illithid agony auntThreesomes are fun to think about, even talk about, but they will always leave hurt feelings. Even if you both share the friend evenly, you'll always feel like too much attention is paid to her. The only way to feel good about it is to have her getting ignored, and then she'll feel bad, or for both of you to ignore him, and then he'll be left out. Sex works best as something you and your guy share, just the two of you, intimately. But what if she sucks better than you do, or is tighter, or pinker, or has better breasts. Even after the threesome, he can be left thinking about her while with you, or asking you to do things like she did. Whether or not he's still committed to you and in love with you, he'll have given part of his heart and mind to her in bed. It WILL pull you two apart.

Your heartache from seeing them together means you really care about him, and that you aren't just going through the motions. That's good! That's love. You want him all to yourself, because you care.

If you want to try a threesome, see how he would feel about you being with him and another guy, ask him how he'd honestly feel about someone else penetrating you, or you giving oral to someone else. I can't picture you wanting to (it would feel like cheating for you, I'd wager) and I doubt he'd be thrilled with it either. Try to get him to understand that him + another woman feels the same to you as you + another man would to him.

And mention that he asked to finish with your friend without you... let him know that's not a threesome anymore, that's just sleeping with your friend. If he's allowed to do that, you're allowed to take a guy home from a bar. One-on-one sex with someone else is cheating, and you're right to forbid it.

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (11 September 2009):

eyeswideopen agony auntThere's nothing wrong with you. Threesomes should just stay a fantasy for you that's all. I think most couples would have a bad experience if they participated in one. I'm a believer in two's company but three's a crowd.

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A male reader, RAINORFIRE United States +, writes (11 September 2009):

RAINORFIRE agony auntthreesomes are usually a bad idea but look your young and probably not going to marry this guy. Every girl i kno regreted the threesome, mostly cause girls young ones especially are jealous emotional immature creatures.

look you cant tell your guy yeah its ok even go find another girl bring her to the house let her start sucking him off and then get cold feet leaving him with blu balls its just not rite, alot of guys are not very smart there driven by some basic instinct and the devil fills in the rest, your guy seems to be the not so smart one because he hasnt dumped you for ruining the three some and two he had two chicks in his room for a threesome and couldnt pull it off.

you just want another one to see if your bf acts the same way, Your confidence is broken your thinking this guy really loved you and all so how can he be so into this other girl etc.

Look guys like sex its like playing x box but better grls like sex to but its more like donating a kidney, sex is a big huge emotional deal for females. so when you saw your guy feeling up on another you thought omg he must not love me if he can do this with her what does he need me for. meanwhile your bf is thinking man i have the best gf in the world i cant believe shes actually gonna let me do this.

by ruining the nite you lost alot of brownie points with your guy i wouldnt suggest bringing up a threesome again if he ask you and your really really sure id say go for it but learn how to do it rite.

Im sure you can google some proper threesome techniques to watch with your guy so no one feels left out next time

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