A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend and i have been going out for a while, and lately things have gotten quite serious, he's been telling me that his mum would love me, and jokingly asking if i will marry him,then out of the blue he said he wants to talk through some concerns - he said he cant give up certain things like going to bars and clubs, and that he might want to move abroad in future - he said i should think about this and not just hold onto him, he doesnt want this relationship to be unfair on me,i said that im open to the possibilities at this stage, and now he seems to be a lot quieter - whereas before he was really mushy and things, now he doesnt contact me as often, why has he become like this? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks, but why would he talk about marriage and commitment so seriously if he wasnt ready for it?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for those answers - the reason he asked me about the bar thing is because i dont drink alcohol, so thats why he is concerned about it
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (3 August 2009):
 because for guys there are women that are Girlfriends and women that are potentially wives. They are not the same. Some women are great Girfriends to have, and terrible wives to have. Girlfriends generally don't have too many problems with the whole Bar scene, but a wife would.
I am simply putting out an alternative point of view that some men might adhere to.
I am floating it out there, because if this is what is keeping him form asking you to marry him then you really need to take a long look and think about what that question is really telling you? What it tells me is that you have a BF who does not have any intention of being a husband and will be spending as much time getting drunk away from you as often as he can if you do get married.
He is talking out of his ass....dont even think about marrying him in the near future, for he isnt ready.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (3 August 2009):
You'll have to ask him and find out!
My guess is that he realised you could be the girl he would marry and that made him start thinking seriously about the future.
Is he ready for marriage? What does he want to do with his life?
He's been asking himself this and then realised he wants to move abroad and go out and have fun etc. So he's being honest with you.
Why would being with you stop him from going out? Surely he'd go out MORE if he has you to go out with as well as his friends?
Explain that being with you (married or not) doesn't stop him from having a career / going out / seeing the world. It just gives him someone to do those things with.
Good Luck!! xx
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