A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:(Mod note: the question is edited to remove details.)My boyfriend and I made a mistake and went too far (still a virgin, but it went too far). I regret it. I guess I was trying to grow up fast. It was so, so stupid.I'm worried about what other guys will think of me when I get older- in my eyes I'm a s**t. Will guys still think I'm good enough?Also how do I tell my boyfriend I want to stop for now- at least till I'm a little older? I know he wants more. He didn't pressure me into it- at the time I thought it would be fine. It's just now...I want to stop before I end up regretting it even more.I can't believe I was so stupid. But lastly- how do I stop hating myself because of it? I feel so stupid and I'm becoming the person I don't want to be.Thanks. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Cupid_or_Stupid +, writes (24 August 2011):
 It was only natural for you to get curious and for things to heat up and go too far. It's OK for you to not want things to go further. If he respects you he will understand your wishes.Now for the big stuff. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't hate yourself and think you're a s**t or any of that. You say you're still a virgin so I'm assuming things didn't get any further than oral sex. So I'll assume the worst and take this as you gave him head. (even if you didn't that isn't the point). SO WHAT you went down on a guy (or whatever you did) ONCE and decided you didn't like it. If anything you showed maturity to realise you weren't ready for that, it was a mistake and you're in no rush to do it again any time soon. You can't beat yourself up about something that has happened. We can only ever learn from our mistakes and move forward. I'm sure there are girls your age and even younger that aren't virgins and have slept with more guys than even I have and I'm 17.As for other boys not respecting you: From about 13 I'd started to come out of my skin and I had more than my fair share of sexual experiences (but like you - I remained a virgin.) I only started getting a reputation after it happened a number of times. So doing it once will hardly give you a repuatation. Even if it did get out and boys did tease you about it, if you stay true to yourself and keep your self respect then you'll prove them wrong and they'll move on. I worried about what future boyfriends would think with my reputation but when I got my first serious boyfriend none of it mattered to him and the first time we got physical I felt like a newbie all over again. So PLEASE don't beat yourself up about it. You were merely curious and you've learnt your lesson. Which is very mature, not s**tty. Hope this helped :)
A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (23 August 2011):
This is a story of a girl who doesn't like olives. One day, she decided to try an olive because lots of other people eat them, and discovered she didn't like it, she thought it was horrible. After a while she felt like she was more accustomed to the taste and tried it again. Now she eats olives and likes them.
In the above story, the girl wasn't stupid for trying an olive that she didn't like. She was curious, and made a decision at the time that felt right to give it a try. She didn't like it, so she didn't have another one till she felt again that she might like to try one.
In your case, it is the same. You were not stupid for wanting to try. I understand that you went further than you wanted to go, and that you feel stupid for having done that, but understand that it is natural to try, and there is nothing wrong with trying and making mistakes. It is only through having this experience that you have learned that you aren't ready for what you are trying, and it is not what you want to be at this point in your life. If you didn't try, you wouldn't know for sure how you feel about it. It is natural to try things, to have life experience, and in this way to learn about yourself.
Please understand that there is no need for you to hate yourself, to think of yourself as a s**t or worry that in some way you aren't good enough. You are being much harder on yourself than you need to be or deserve. It is natural for you to be learning about life in the way you are, you have just learned that you are too young and want to wait, and this learning is a good thing, not a bad thing. You can be proud of yourself that you know yourself and what you want to so clearly, not everyone knows themselves so well.
Tell your boyfriend how your experience made you feel, tell him that you really didn't like how you felt when you did it, and that you need to stop and wait until you are older and can feel good about yourself when you do these things. There is no point in doing things that make you feel bad, and no one who cares about you would want you to do things that make you feel bad either.
It might be a good lesson to learn also that there is this voice in your head that is being hard on you. This voice has your protection and interests at heart by the sounds of it, but don't let that voice make you feel bad about yourself. Listen to its warnings, but take time to remind yourself that you aren't bad, stupid, or worth less than others. You are just young, learning, curious, and growing up. It is natural, and you can be proud of the young woman you are becomming.
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