A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I love my boyfriend very much and I've been with him for about a year and a half. We have an absolutely great relationship... except for when it comes to sex (for me anyways). We first started having sex taking it slow. That kind of stuff turns me on the most and it was awesome. Just passionate/tender/slow things. I enjoy sex and I am definitely open to trying new positions and all that good stuff. We have tried many many positions which is fine with me and I like it. However, my boyfriend ALWAYS wants me to "take charge" and be his "dirty little slut" but that's just not me... I don't like doing it at all and it makes me feel so uncomfortable. He likes slapping my ass and pinching my nipples, etc... He also gets very aggressive in the way he talks and it just makes me feel like shit... to the point where I just shut down mid-intercourse ect. Because I am open, I try out all of his fantasies over and over again but they always end up hurting me and making me feel really bad. He always wants me to come up with new scenarios and positions and I'm not into the kinky stuff anyways so time after time again when he asks me to think of things I have just completely run out of ideas yet he tells me to "get kinkier" ALL the time. It has gotten to the point where when he asks me to be kinky I just completely turn off. I don't even want to have sex any more because I just hate the way I feel when I do stuff that he wants but at the same time, I love him and want to please him.... I am in quite a dilemma. I don't know who else to go to about this so that's why I'm asking here, but I am honestly so frustrated and upset that I don't know what else to do. ALL advice would help tremendously.
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male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (7 March 2009):
 In my opinion, the communication idea is fine, but as "Honeypie" suggested, you two may simply be sexually incompatible. Men his age and older rarely if ever change. His fantasies are likely porn-inspired, which is terrible, and unless that is the kind of future you can appreciate, you may need to seriously question this relationship. You have one life to live. Should you live it as a private porn star to someone with perverted ways?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2009): i think he is getting this from somewhere.Tell him you don't like it and tell him to stop watching porn. Ask him why he wants it that way and why? Tell him you want normal sex - nothing kinky, just normal naked sex.
i think as he tries to step towards you, you take a step back and your shutters come down. He has to respect that. and not push you somewhere where you are uncomfortable.
talk to him, write a letter - but talk to him.
Hugs, star.x.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2009): I don't get it and I can't stress this ENOUGH!
SEX = Communication. So, if you're upset about something coinciding your sexual adventures, COMMUNICATE with your lover. Tell him how you feel. Get the point across.
No, you don't have to get angry. Just speak up! If you're going to continue this and feel unhappy about it, even if you love him, you will eventually feel resentment towards him. Do you want to feel resentment towards him? Come on!
Sex = communication. Remember that. Tattoo in on your forehead if you need to. ^_~
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 March 2009):
 It might be that the two of you aren't really sexually compatible. But if you still want to give him a go you need to tell him ( not right before or right after sex though) how you feel. How it makes you feel. What you like and what you REALLY like to do.
Sex is just an act if both parties don't get to enjoy and have fun.
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