A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating about two years now. He has a son with another woman unplanned. I've always known he's wanted to travel the world at some point and I never thought much of it as its something I'd like to do at some point too, not as a lifestyle but I'd like to visit places. However, I didn't know the extent he wanted to do this. Recently, he keeps talking about how different his life would be if he never had a kid. He feels like he would be traveling the world with " no strings" just himself on the road. I'm beginning to feel like I'm not apart of his first choice of what he wanted to do with his life. That I'm just something that he settled for and without him having an unplanned child our relationship wouldn't exist. I'm bothered because I have dreams of a future together and he has dreams of what his life could be: no attachments if it wasn't for having the responsibility of a kid. Am I over thinking this or should I be worried we're on two seperate pages? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2014): He has this romantic image of travel (it's far from romantic sometimes and can be very hard)he wants to play the 'lone wolf' on lifes great adventure, cool! when done on an honest pathway. He has a child and of course you, who in his eyes, both trap him and ruin his dreams, so he can't bring to life his dreams(excuse) If he really wanted to travel the world as many do, and you say you would be interested, he would be making plans for you and your child as well. Some families learn to sail and navigate around the globe, taking babies with them (teaching as they go). Some travel the globe in parts,working and living and saving and schooling half of the year, then go and have great adventures and make the journey last a lifetime. Some take their responsibilities to a first class level and wait until the time is right and travel the world later in life, when the children are able to live their own lives independently.Some dream about wanting to do it and can not do it for many realistic reasons or simply don't want to do it. Some people resent their present life style and commitments yet in reality would not move an inch from their comfort zone.To him you are domestic ball and chains yet he is the one who imprisons himself because he can not see that a free spirit is not about playing 'lone wolf', it's about making dreams come true even when it looks immpossible and involving those we love. Yes his life would be different, he would not have you, he would not have his child,he could never stand in a golden feild and say 'look at that strange rainbow' he could not share his wonder, he would be lonely. If you both can not meet half way, lots of goals can be achieved when we work together for the same dreams. then time to let the wonder lust take him and say goodbye.
A
female
reader, Staceily +, writes (26 August 2014):
 To play the devil's advocate, it could be that he is going through a rough time lately and is thinking of how nice a life with no responsibilities would be. I don't think it has to mean he is planning to jump ship or that he hates his life even. I know I get this way from time to time, I wish I could go live in a place where I don't know anyone and can be left completely alone for a little while. It's at my most stressful moments and it is a comforting thought. My boyfriend and my dogs drive me up the wall sometimes. It's certainly not something I'd want for good though, I love them all to death. I highly doubt he actually wishes his child did not exist so he can go traveling around the world, if he felt so little towards his child then he would've just done it. He's probably overwhelmed. Or could be starting to feel older and like he missed out.
Tell him how the comments make you feel and see what he says. I don't think you are any part of the equation in his dream world, it's his world without a kid and the responsibilities that come with it. I don't think it's a negativity towards you. So talk to him.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 August 2014):
 I agree with WiseOwlE.
Set him free. Move on. Find yourself a man who doesn't live in LA-LA land.
He IS wanting to run from his responsibilities. Now I get it, MEN don't really have a say when a woman gets pregnant. They have no say if she has the baby or an abortion. BUT what they DO have a say in is ACCEPTING that actions (sex) can have consequences (child) and when THAT happens you DO your best for that child. That goes for both the mom and the dad.
Now I travelled a lot in my 20's. I would work my tail of (several jobs) and then take off for a couple of months. At the time I didn't have a BF, I chose to NOT have one because of my goals of travelling.
At 18 I went to London, found a job and worked/lived there a year (no BF)
These were things I wanted to do. BUT part from a couple of holidays, I didn't travel when I WAS dating someone.
I'm sorry, I think you are his "rebound" after the baby-event..
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2014): Like so many young men who recklessly take chances having unprotected-sex, your boyfriend is contemplating running from his responsibilities; and leaving the burden of single-parenthood on the mother of his child.
His plans of travel are appealing now more than ever; because he brought another human being into this world that requires his care and financial support. Suddenly he wants to see the world? What he wants to do is break-free and run.
You're probably his last stop before he disappears into the sunset. You should be relieved that he is letting you know what is going on in his head, giving you a chance to make your own choices with your life.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (26 August 2014):
 You shouldn't worry about anything! e has made his choice and apparently it doesn't include you, pull up your 'big girl' pants anf move on to a happy life with someone else.
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