A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I had been dating about three months when our relationship became long distance due to circumstances beyound our control. It's been three months since I had to move, and we've only been able to see each other once since then. Recently he's been bringing up the idea that our relationship should be open while we're apart. I toyed with the idea at first, and originally told him that I could deal with it as long as I never knew if/when he was sleeping with someone else. We've been apart for a month now and I do know he hasn't been with or wanted to be with anyone yet. We were talking recently and it became apparent that he wanted the relationship to be open only for him, and that he was very against me sleeping with anyone else. I got really upset, and confessed that in truth I didn't want the relationship to be open at all, a fact that he is not happy about. I guess I'm not quite sure how to approach this issue... should I stay or should I go? Should I wait around for him to slip up and cheat? I care about him a lot, I feel we could have an amazing future together and I am due to return home in February... What should I do??
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male
reader, serenity80  +, writes (8 November 2011):
Time to face facts.. this relationship is as good as over.
He basically wants to have sex with other women, whilst keeping you as a backup option for the future.
If he was really in to you, he would not be suggesting that he sleep with other people. FACT.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2011): Ah, the old "One Penis Policy" - his.
No, this isn't an open relationship. This is him trying to take advantage and have it both ways.
This stinks and you should not go along with it. And this is from a guy who is *in* an open relationship (yes, both of us).
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A
female
reader, hannah76 +, writes (16 September 2011):
 No he just wants it his way. I'm afraid it could be the end of the road for you both now. I do suspect he would be with other girls regardless purely from the way he has suggested things. Its either an agreement that you both be open or neither.
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A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (16 September 2011):
 That's not an open relationship, that's permission to cheat. He can't have it both ways. Either you both get to sleep with other people or you both stay committed. If he can't agree to that, it's time to end the relationship.Point out to him how horrible it feels for him to think about you having sex with other men and how painful that is. Then point out to him that's exactly how it feels for you as well.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (16 September 2011):
 If it is open for him only-then he wants permission to cheat. I would call off the relationship for now and let him know that you will only accept a faithful relationship.
If it is meant to be, it WILL be, but a relationship never works when it is only on the terms of one person.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2011): I don't think it's a good idea to have an open LDR. Being apart is hard enough without the added stress of extra people involved. Plus, if it was open it would have to be equally open. It sounds more like he just wants a "cheat free" card, which isn't fair or respectful to you at all.
I would tell him that you do not want an open relationship, and you will be home in February. If he can't deal with that, and his has to be his way or no way, then say goodbye. You deserve to be with someone who respects you and treats you properly.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (16 September 2011):
 open only for him is not fair.
open for both or neither.
rules go both ways.
LDRS are hard.
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A
female
reader, adamantine +, writes (16 September 2011):
 No... an open relationship has to be agreed upon by both parties. If he isn't happy about that then you should tell him to not bother any longer. If he loves you, he should be able to keep his dick in his pants.
Sorry to be harsh, but I am in an LDR as well, so I can relate. My relationship is not open, however. I think that having a relationship that is open will just lead to excessive dramas, like in your case.
If he doesn't agree with keeping it exclusive, or he doesn't agree with you also seeing other people, then don't put up with that.
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