A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay, so I've been with this guy for about 2 years now, and I loved him for 2 years before that. We know that we are everything we want in each other and would like to get married. But, because of finances and age we can't. He has struggled with pornography, like most men do, and he's been flirting and thinking about other girls. He says that he doesn't want to, and that he wont marry me until he can be completely devoted to me. But, neither of us knows what to do, and it hurts me cause he isn't stopping. I trust him, but it hurts that I can't be able to trust him around other girls. I need advice. What should I do? And do you have any tips for him?
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female
reader, Catflap1  +, writes (31 January 2011):
Let him go and tell him he may look for you again in the future after he gets all this stuff out of his system. I had a boyfriend at your age who was the same but he really messed up. 30 years later he still regrets it. However, the urge to scatter seeds about is a strong one for a young man of his age and with all the temptations now available it makes it even harder to settle and be content.
It sounds too easy but concentrate on you and what you want to acheive in life, you are young and haven’t had a chance yet to reach your potential. Don’t let a boy take your future away from you as there is only one life. If he can’t enhance it you are better off without. If he is going to spoil your faith in people let him go. The things he wants to do are harmless and normal in a way, unless extreme and/or combined with a relationship they are destructive.
My very first boyfriend and first love came back into my life in recent years and you would not believe how much we love each other. These relationships get wrapped in your DNA and can come back again at the right time so don’t be too sad. If I had known what I know now I would have relaxed and enjoyed the years between.
A
female
reader, bluegardenia  +, writes (31 January 2011):
HI,
Firstly, you are very young to think about getting married, and this young man at least is being honest, but secondly, most men don't struggle with pornography. Maybe it is just a young man thing for him, he may grow out of it one he has had more sexual experience, but that will be long after you. You may need to have a few relationships of your own first before you think about getting married. A little experience will make you more sure about what you really want, and that is probably not someone who struggles with porn or flirts with other girls, honest though he may be.
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