A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupids,My boy friend finds most of my acts wrong and wants me to change, while he thinks that nothing is wrong with him and that he do not have to change.Some of the changes he requested i was convinced with; and others not, but i promissed to do anyways for him to be happy! Yet he would not site down to discuss something that i see wrong and he sees rightThese issues are stressing us out and i need to find a solution. I find my self givving without any appritistion.Note that he is my boyfriend of 12 best month of my life, and the things that we argue about are habbits that we both do regularley, like we both are better friends with the other sex, like we both have passworda for our phones that we do not like to share with each other, we are both very clever at work having different ideas. The thing is he thinks all these are ok for him and wrong for me, and some times forces me to trybhis ideas and not mineAdd to that he is violent in bed, and likes to playfully hit me every now and then even though i tell him how much i hate this act.Finally you meed to know he is very caring and sweet and that leavinh him is not a possibility, i need ideas that help me breack hia stubern manley head. Please help thank you
View related questions:
at work, violent Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (2 August 2015):
 Be very proud of you. You are healing at last. That is a wonderful thing to happen. Well done indeed.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2015): dear Abella,years after helping me the first time, i stumbled into your article again, i read it again, and i remembered that it was written for me in the first place.i read my question again and i had tears of pride, i am proud of my self for being here today.unfortunately, i think you need to know that me getting her was not as fast as i initially thought.we broke up several times since then,he cheated on me with several girls and i always found out, even one time the mistress contacted me, he told her he loved me and only me, and that he is just with her to mess around, we were apart at that point, so when she called me to warn me about a cheating boyfriend, i told her that we are all ready apart because of a third lady whom he cheated on me before that. but we always got back together.he hit me out of anger, you were right, i hid my bruise, and the important part is that he hit me because i went into public transportation with a male friend without telling him .even more important is the fact that after our last splitting of 6 months, i allowed my self to get involved in a new relationship.2 month into the new relationship (where i did not love the new guy) my ex boyfriend shows up again, with full love power and respect and an engagement ring. i left the new guy. after that my ex was all dramatic, saying he could not trust me anymore because i cheated on him, and that i should have known better that we always get together after a break up.i could not stop my self from laughing at my stupid self now that i am writing it all again.he left me, he broke up with me. and filled his social medias with posts implying that he was lied to and he was tricked and that some one took something that did not belong to him (meaning the new guy). ironic ha.it have been 4 month now since he broke up with me (i had to check face book to know that), i found it the perfect solution that he would break up with me, that way i would not feel the guilt of leaving him, or the fear that he would use some secrets only he knows (or better said, caused: losing my virginity). i am better now, crying off course, lost trust sure, regaining my self esteem very slowly you bet, but i am better, mainly thanks to you and every cupid who ever took the time to reply and give me help when ever needed it, no matter how often i did need it.i am healing at last
...............................
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (25 June 2013):
Thank you for your follow up.
It is very likely that he will ACT-up and show his displeasure when your confidence improves.
Please do not stay if the abuse escalates. The first time he ever hits you means that you should have left him before that.
I certainly do not want you abused and hurt it he ACTS-up badly.
I hope that you never need this next article. See link below. But forewarned means you have more chance of making some preparations.
No person ever has a right to abuse another person be it physically nor emotionally nor sexually nor psychologically nor financially nor any other abusive way.
Here is the article:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/the-honeymoon-stage-in-an-abusive-relationship-and.html
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionReally great article just reading it boosted my confidence, so applying it will be a great cure.
Really helped thank you for all your time and effort, be sure it did not go to vain, and that you are the hero of one previouslly-low-esteem girl.
As to my boyfriend i will change, to a better more confident lady, and if he do not like it he have two options, either dealing with it alone go fishing for some one else, i will not allow my love to him to kill my self-esteem anymore.
Thanks again Abella!!
...............................
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (23 June 2013):
Hi
I wrote your answer as an article.
Here it is
My good wishes to you
Abella
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/self-confidence---an-easy-step-by.html
...............................
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (22 June 2013):
Thank you for your update.
Your update is on it's way. I started writing it and then decided that it deserved to be more comprehensive than I first envisaged.
Please check back during the weekend for your update
Regards
Abella
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question dear abella, your diagnose is right in a way that i fear, i am waiting for your second post, i need to know what do i have to do to raise my esteem and help him out of the controlling mode. You need to know that conceling is not avialable where i am.
I really feel divastated and really he is effecting me, and i have allready lost two of my friends that he deos not like.
I really need a suggestion to make our relationship work, we are a year and a month together and we once splet for 5 days after i got mad of him for talking with one of his female friends that i do not like. After thathe talked to me and told me how important i am to him and that he could not manage his life without me.
Thank you a lot for your time, i really need the help to work this out...
...............................
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (21 June 2013):
Hi
What you have is a controlling boyfriend who is slowly reeling you in as he methodically goes about trying to destroy your confidence to make your own decisions.
He is NOT correct 100% of the time. Though he thinks he is always right,
His ways are NOT the only way to do things.
He is NOT OK at every step of the way. While you are not in error with your choices.
It is just that your choices prevent him from taking over EVERY aspect of your life.
He does not even want to discuss these changes, he wants to IMPOSE his values and attitudes on your life. He is demonstrating a lack of respect for you.
Oh yes he can be charming and ever attentive when it suits him. He really believes he is doing you a favor. Right now it just seems like little criticsms. It will get worse.
One day when you have spent weeks walking on eggshells, trying to anticipate what he will expect (demand). Lost all your friends as he will deems then unsuitably. Tried to hide your bruises as you wife away your tears; THEN hopefully a counsellor will explain the dynamics of an abusive relationship.
You can keep on giving in to him more and more.
But his aim to dominate you until you are broken. You need support and help to cope safe
Domestic abuse starts off slowly and eventually tries to ruin your life.
I will post a little more later.
My good wishes to you.
...............................
|
