A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:HiPleae help, I feel really terrible. I found out a few months ago that my boyfriend was fairly heavy porn user. I know it was probably naive but I really hadn't realised, and it really hurt me. I guess if I had known just that he used porn, but not seen the whole enormous list of sites come up on the history of the computer, it would have bothered me less. But I felt betrayed and devastated. To be honest, this is really hard because my father badly hurt my mother with the same thing. These are two men I love and I want to understand because instinctively I find jerking off to random people, well, cheap and tacky.But now, I know that pretty much everytime I go out, my boyfriend hits the porn, and sometimes at the expense of our sex life. I love him dearly and I accept him how he is, but this has really hurt me. So, later out of curiosity and somehow to get some kind of equality and control back, I started looking at some sites myself. Mostly to get an idea of what the whole thing was about. I don't find it that exciting, but sometimes it can be, I guess. But then somehow I ended up in a chatroom type situation. I found myself talking to someone and it was very exciting. I loved the conversation. Part of me was like, well if my boyfriend does it to me then why shouldn't I' For a long time I had been having angry thoughts of how my boyfriend would feel if I looked /chatted with random men on the web just for my sexual kicks, so I went ahead and did it. And it was fun. Sort of.The short time excitement was, to be honest, really great. Now, afterwards, I feel guilty and horrible.Stupid, huh?I feel like I just want to forget the whole thing ever happened. And I guess I can. But I feel really bad about it now. like I cheated. I guess it has helped me understand why my bf might does what he does. But honestly, it doesn't really feel like it was worth it :-(
View related questions:
chat room, cheap, porn, sex life Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2008): HiI did the same thing.Found out hubby was looking at porn. Freaked, cried, looked at myself naked in mirror, didnt look like those girls, cried even more... Then decided to investigate porn in an attempt to understand it. Eventually ended up in chat room and guy was writing to me asking if i was shaved and did i like coarse language etc. I felt justified, because i was so hurt to find out i was not enough for hubby. And went ahead. Afterwards i felt sick and violated. As if this guy i chatted to raped me or something. WAnted to vomit.Life still continuing. But I now look with new eyes at my hubby. And it is not good.Dont like masturbating to naked men.Thinking for first time about having an affair.Just to feel goodlooking again. You know...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2008): My boyfriend is the same way. The countless movies and websites that pop up in the history every single time I leave the house, go to work and make money for us or take a shower makes me feel horrible. He tries to hide it sometimes, but other times I think he just doesn't care about me. Being together over 5 years, its not a new subject being brought up. And he will never change his habits, EVER. I realize that.Then I did the same thing you did. Chatted with someone else. I think sometimes girls try to take it to the next level. The pain they cause you needs to be topped by something even more painful to them if they found out. I wouldn't tell him though. He will justify his actions by telling you he is "just a guy" therefore lowering all your expectations of him and in men in general. So you don't leave him because "all" guys are like that. And then making you feel guilty because you possibly did something worse out of spite and not out of curiosity to feel closer to him. How chatting with a real person and looking at pictures and movies are different. I think it's all the same level. But most guys don't.I really don't know what else to tell you besides the fact that you are not alone. And there are other girls who feel a huge blow to their self esteem while pulling up the history tab to view a recipe they used last week and find out your man was jerking off to other womaen while you were making that delicious dinner in his honor.You're not stupid. There are many of us who feel this way. Hang in there.
...............................
A
female
reader, trixi +, writes (27 May 2008):
 you poor luv,do not feel down & guilty on your self because EVERY lad in the universe gets off to porn!
even the ones with girlfriends.
if you don't feel like looking at porn is worth the guilty feeling afterwards then dont do it.doesn't mean he's going to stop tho.
once you realise your not doing anything wrong you'll learn to realax & enjoy your self.
...............................
A
female
reader, secondbestinthis  +, writes (27 May 2008):
Porn is fun. Porn is REALLY fun when you enjoy it together! As far as the guilt over the chat room, be honest with your BF and tell him that you tried it to feel 'closer' to him and to understand that side of him. Let him know that you realize that you went about it the wrong way but that you're ready and willing to try it the right way! I promise it's fun together, because not only can you both make fun of the 'fuglies' in it, but you can learn new positions and ways to moan!
...............................
|
