A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:sorry about this being so long ...i met my boyfriend at the age of 16 and weve been together ever since, weve had a lot of ups and downs and now i need advice.After been together 6 months, it was just a pritty average relationship then he cheated on me and we broke up for approx a year, during this year i had fun at college with my friends, didnt see anyone serious but did actually get over him, however a year later we got back together. After that we were the happiest most in love couple ever, it was completely brilliant in every way! if anything was to fault it was that i didnt appreciate him enough. Anyhow last summer he began to speak of moving in together, i didn't feel ready for this and this seemed to put a pretty big gap between us, anyhow after months of trying to work we broke up in December, during the break up he admitted to kissing a girl he works with approx 6 months before we broke up and said that it was only 1 kiss but they were still good friends and he felt like he could confide in her. Anyway we'd been broken up about a month! Yes only a month! when he told me he was now in a realtionship with this same girl, i heard rumours from others before this but he had denied it until this particular time. Anyway this relationship only lasted around 2 months and they broke up. I then realised that i missed him terribly and that i was ready to move in with him! The thought had just scared me initially, anyhow we talked and got back together around April time. The relationship was going ok until i discovered he still had regular contact with this other girl, i asked him to stop and he promised he would. The relationship then started to get better and better, i felt like we had never been more in love. We were having the most fun and talking about moving in together, i felt so lucky to have him back until a few days ago. While at his i accidently knocked a pile of papers from his bedside cabinet when picking them up i discovered a receipt for a posh hotel from two weeks ago (He had told me he had gone to his friends for the night) he admitted it was with this same girl and said that nothing happened it was just to catch up, he swore no cheating happened, he regrets it and loves me etc, everything that all you girls who have been cheated on have heard before. His mam knows and his sister they both think the world of me and have told me to leave him because i can do so much better than him.Now i need your help. He obviously did wrong by lying to me and taking her to a hotel but i love him with all my heart and truely want to be with him forever.What should i do?
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (25 September 2011):
 Dump this guy ASAP, otherwise you will be (sadly) living a life of lies and deceit. Come on OP, no one's a kid here. We all know that when you need to "catch up" with someone, you go to a coffee shop or call them over to your place or something. If your b/f actually thinks that you are going to believe this BS that he's telling you, then he thinks of you as the biggest fool ever!
You know what, we only hide things that we are scared/ashamed of admitting. We hide things that we dont want people to find out about, because we know we're wrong. If your b/f had no ulterior motive here, he could have easily told you about wanting to meet her strictly as a friend. But he didnt. And no one goes to a posh hotel to sit on either side of the bed and "catch up". That's the biggest lie ever. He knows he's caught so that's obviously why he's saying this and he's going to use every cliché in the book to convince you that its only you and no one else in his life.
His mom and sister are right. They know him much better than you do, and if they're saying that you can do better than him, then you definitely CAN. Dont get caught up in a relationship where there's infidelity. There's very few things in life that are worse than that. If you have a trustworthy, honest partner, who would never betray you, then you are armed with the biggest source of strength. But if you have a partner whom you cant trust, the foundation of your relationship is gone. There's nothing left to sustain it.
Dont put yourself through this. You deserve so much better.
A
female
reader, chickpea2011  +, writes (25 September 2011):
 Hi,I see you've been with your boyfriend a long time. You know him well, and only you can decide what's best for you. You mentioned he cheated on you in the past, you made your decision to forgive him, and give him another chance, which is ok, because people make mistakes, and there's nothing wrong to forgive. But, I am going to be honest with you, I cannot imagine he took this girl to a hotel, and they just talk? It doesn't make sense.... If they just wanted to talk, they could have gone so many places, why a get a room in the hotel, and talk ? I am glad he admitted to you, and told you he was there with this girl, but he's not being completely honest. He could have lie to you, make some kind an excuse, but he admitted. So, I think you should talk to him again. Like I said before, depending on your conversation with him, you can decide what's best for you. But, if you decide to stay together, make sure he won't keep any secrets from you, and make him promise you that he will end with this girl, that they cannot even be friends. Tell him that you forgive him many times, and this is his last chance. I hope everything works out well, hope you get your answers, and hope you make the right decision. Good luck
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (25 September 2011):
 I don't know about you, but I have never heard of anyone catching up at a hotel, especially if it's opposite sex and they're alone. People catch up at cafes, restaurants or their homes, not hotels. I don't think you're stupid enough to actually believe any of this. I think you know he cheated, since this wasn't the first time he lied and cheated on you. Heck even his OWN family advise you to dump him. I know you love him and love can turn us into whipping posts, but if you keep trying to make this relationship work, you'll only find yourself hurt, humiliated and sad.
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A
female
reader, proudmammi +, writes (24 September 2011):
 That's really hard because you know damn well that "catching up" at a hotel room means there was a lot more then just talking goin on. If he just wanted to have casual conversation with her he could have just had coffee or lunch with her. What's hard is you love him so much, but he isn't showing that he respects you by cheating on you and lying about it too. From my personal experience, once they cheat they will always cheat. If you forgive him for this he will do it again. The hardest part now would be to let go. But if you absolutely can't let him go, maybe try relationship counseling. He deserves to go through Hell for treating you this way. You don't deserve that!
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (24 September 2011):
 if his mum and sister are telling you to dump him and that you can do better then that REALLY does not make him look good does it? i am sorry hun but people do not need to book into a posh hotel just to 'catch up'. i am betting that they have gone there to sleep together on neutral ground so that they do not get caught. of course he is not gonna admit that to you though. he has cheated on you already with that girl and then they have remained friends so there was always a pretty good chance that they would end up messing about with each other again. aim higher than saying you want to be with this guy forever, you cannot trust him
x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2011): Okay, this is going to be exactly what you do NOT want to hear, but, honey, you'd better drop that boy as fast as you can. Let me tell you about boys who cheat and lie - they don't stop. Take my boyfriend for instance. Would you like to know how many times he used to tell me "Baby, I love you, you are the only one for me" before going home and getting on facebook so he could chat/flirt with other girls? Oh, or how about the time he took this girl I absolutely despise out on a secret date and then lied to me about it? OR (best one yet) when he told me flat out that he was done with social networking sites and that he had gotten rid of ALL of his and then a week ago I find out he has a secret Skype account and has been in regular contact with his old Icelandic pen pal (one of those girls who purposefully leans over in her profile picture so your can see her tatas)? I've tried everything. I've forced him to go to therapy, even. Nothing works. What keeps me hanging on? I love him, yes, but I think it's more the fact that we are best friends. My advice to you is to just break up, but still be friends. Tell him that you will wait for a while to see if he can mature, but that you can't deal with the heartbreak anymore. Trust me, you can do SO much better. I hope this helped! :)))
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