A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:The other night I asked my long term boyfriend if he ever saw us as getting married. I want to be married to him eventually and I wanted to see how he felt. He told me that he may want to but he is not sure. I was a little hurt as I think we have a good relationship. Well, better than it was at the beginning and I not getting any younger. Anyway, an old boyfriend of mine has just moved back to our state. He is now living about 3 hours from us. He has asked me to spend the day with him at a seaside town I love. I asked my boyfriend if this was okay. He indicated it was and so I accepted. This old boyfriend and I have stayed friends ever since we split up when he moved away for work. We had terrific chemistry and a great sex life.I asked my boyfriend if, since it is so far away, if I can stay in a hotel. He told me that would be fine. I can even stay with my ex if I need to. I thought that was really weird and so I asked him what I should do if the ex makes a pass at me. He told me that I can sleep with my ex if I want to because he has been thinking about our conversation and he does not think we will ever get married! So I am free to sleep with whomever I want.I am shocked and upset. I can't sleep and I can barely look at him. Of course by morning he was back pedaling and saying he did not mean I could sleep with him. Is this just nerves because I asked him about marriage. Does he not love me. Do I start dating others. I would never say to him what he said to me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2012): OP it's funny because you're picking on one heat of the moment thing he said to be angry at yet what you said was just as bad.
You goaded him into this, you even admitted you said that to "draw him out". So you purposefully pushed his buttons to gain a response and now you're pissed at the response?
"I was genuinely shocked that my boyfriend of 4 years would say that it was okay to stay with my ex."
Actually OP, if you want to get into fine details you made the decision that you were going to stay with this ex by deciding to go on a trip with him to a place where you knew beforehand that you'd have to spend the night. You said it was too far away, well it was too far away before you arranged your date.
Now don't try and insult my intelligence that a woman of your age didn't do this intentionally for exactly this reaction because you're pissed about the marriage thing, so you decided to get one back. That's exactly what you did.
I mean what did you expect his reaction to be. A beloved ex who you decide to spend a day and a night with, in your favourite place and he's supposed to be fine?
So your issue is that you said that childlish thing because he said you could stay with the ex? You're staying with the ex anyway OP. A full day, a meal in the evening together and what, you were just going to go your room and be alone at night? Not a chance. You would have spent the night with him chatting, continuing on your loving get away with an ex you still hold a torch for.
You're playing teenage games OP, you purposefully went out of your way to put him in this position just so you could get a reaction, well you have your reaction OP and his back pedalling wasn't enough for you, so I know for a fact you did this intentionally. Play the wounded martyr all you want OP, you're playing games.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 November 2012):
 You were shocked that he said:" sure stay with your ex", but you don't think HE might be shocked that you even thought meting up at the seaside with the ex is an OK thing to do?
I mean put the shoe on the other foot - your BF wanted to go to let's say Disneyland with his EX because they had SO many fond memories from there? THAT would be OK with you?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2012): Obviously I know what I should do if he made a pass at me. I will say no. I was asking because I was genuinely shocked that my boyfriend of 4 years would say that it was okay to stay with my ex. I wanted to draw him out and find out why he would say that. Obviously the conversation was way longer and more detailed than I typed here.
I am beyond hurt. I would never sleep with anyone else and I cannot believe that the man I live with would tell me it is okay to sleep with someone else. I am not trying to make him jealous.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 November 2012):
Seems to me that he is almost HOPING you will sleep with the EX so he has a good reason to end your relationship without being the "bad guy" .... I don't think he really wanted to you galavant off to meet up with your EX I think he was "testing" you and you (sorry for being blunt) fell short.
You said he was your long term BF- how long term are we talking? Because if you two have been together more then 2-3 years and he still doesn't know if he wants to get married - it's NOT going to happen.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2012): Talk it out with him OP and find out how he's feeling.
Something tells me the whole marriage conversation and date with your ex, yes OP, date, were just timed badly. I mean come on, he says he's unsure about marriage and right after that your ex shows up in the picture wanting to take you on a date? A date to a town you love, with a guy you still in some way love, had great sex with and terrific chemistry. One so far away that staying overnight was always going to be the case, so intimacy and making a pass was pretty much always going to happen. And basically you only really asked for permission because you know he probably wouldn't refuse.
It's not just nerves OP, it kind of looks bad doesn't it? You ask about marriage he says he's not sure, BAM! romantic date with your ex to rekindle your old flame.
I'm not saying that's what happened but you can't deny that's how it can be viewed and may well have popped into his head when you were talking to him about it. You're clearly very fond of this ex still. I love my girlfriend, 100% trust her but there is no chance in hell I'd be okay with her romantic get away with an ex so we wouldn't entrap me by asking permission either because she knows I wouldn't have the heart to say no to something she really wants to do and/or be restrictive or start an argument about trust.
Talk it out with him OP I have a feeling he's feeling very threatened now by your ex, something tells me it came at a really bad time and forgive me OP but what's this bullshit about? "what I should do if the ex makes a pass at me." That's something a teenager would say to make her boyfriend jealous. It was a petty move followed up by an equally petty response from him. I mean seriously OP, rhetorical question or not why did you ask that? You set up this amazingly beautiful day with an ex you clearly hold a torch for still and you have to ask what you should do if he make a pass at you?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2012): "Is this just nerves because I asked him about marriage."
No, it's just him being the gross, inconsiderate scumbag he is, always has been, and always will be.
"Does he not love me."
He does not.
"Do I start dating others."
Yes, but only after you dump him first.
"I would never say to him what he said to me."
Precisely why you should dump him. What a piggish thing for him to say, you should be insulted and offended beyond words.
You know where you stand. If you stay with him in hopes he'll magically "change" into a human being who sincerely wants to marry you, then you are a fool. Males can only disrespect females who don't respect themselves.
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