A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Hi, my bf and i have been together just over 2 years, im 20 and he is 25, my bf does not have many friends and he recently started to study, he told me that he was going to try make some more female friends, i asked why and he said so i can have some friends too as i work full time and don't often get out much. the thing is in the past my bf has had alot of female friends and all of them except maybe 1 or 2 he has flirted with or kept his friendship a secret from me, im really worried about this as in the past he has bough home friends who are are young 16 to 18 yr old girls whom he flirts with behind my back and he had even compared me against them saying i was ugly and they look like models, i have found flirty emails and even a text message on his phone from some girls i dont even know saying sorry i dont like to share call me when your single, after i found the emails i had a total break down and went off at him and told him i had no trust in him anymore because of all this flirting,he said that he would do anything to regain my trust in him and he will make sure he will not flirt or act flirty around other females, but im worried if he trys to make more female friends all of this will start again, i dont understand why he cant make more male friends, i want to tell him how i feel about this but im worried he will think that im controlling who he can be friends with, i almost have full trust back in him again and im just worried it will go back to how it was before,please help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2006): I had this problem in the past with my bf, even though he said he would stop he continued to do it and said he was only texting them because they were lonely.I eventually finished the relationship because he accused me of being possessive, jealous etc. As for him stating you are ugly, that is well out of order. He is trying to undermine your confidence and in turn he will lower your self esteem and treat you like a doormat. Move on girl, even though it will be difficult for you, find yourself a genuine bf who will make you feel special. Go and make yourself some new male friends!!
A
female
reader, Clarey  +, writes (9 May 2006):
 I don't like it that he has told you that you are ugly. It is the most unacceptable thing that you have said. In fact his whole behaviour seems set to undermine your confidence.
I think you should tell him that you agree with his idea and in return you will make more male friends. In the process you can compare them him with and see what he and you make of that. I think you will find far better options and you will certainly have some fun in the process. This is all one-sided, he is testing you to much. He is the controlling one. I would tell you to break up with him straight away but I think it may take you some time. You should certainly distance yourself, get back some control and enjoy yourself a bit more without him.
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