A
female
age
30-35,
*abyyblonde
writes:So, heres the deal. I'm a junior in high school. My boyfriend is a senior. We have been dating for 6 months. Our age never made a difference at all, until now. He's starting to get serious about college, and it has brought up questions about our relationship. We had a fight today, in which he told me he did not want to bring a 'high school' relationship into him with college, because he did not want to be committed. He says he does not want something from the old chapter in his life carrying on to the new chapter in his life, and he says that long distance relationships do not work, and that staying with me would cage him. In all honesty, I dont believe that it COULDNT work. I think he just doesnt WANT it to work. I know long distance relationships can work, if you want them to, if you're committed. I dont think staying with me would 'cage' him. I believe you can have a normal college life while still subconsciously being dedicated to someone else. Plus, I dont think a 3 hour distance isnt impossible to overcome. I think perhaps he wishes to live out the 'college dream' in which he can drink, party, and have hookups whenever he wants, which he cant do with me. But i think that those are all shallow things which someone should want to give up for someone they love.Anyways, I guess my real question is, should I save myself worse heartbreak down the road and break up with him now? Or wait and see how things are in 8 months? I know this may seem like a simple question, but we have spent literally every day together for the last 6 months, and i know we love each other deeply. However nothing I say seems to convince him that we could work in college. Logically, I know I should spare myself worse hurt 8 months from now, but emotionally, I'm not ready to let him go. I know our relationship isnt ready to be over, because we still love each other, and because we still have amazing fun together and are perfectly ourselves with each other. I love him more than anything, and Im not ready to let him go, and I dont think he wants to let go yet either. Part of me hopes that in 8 months, our love will have grown stronger, and he wont want to let me go, and maybe he will have changed his mind about making it work. But I don't know if I'm just being naiive and setting myself up for disaster when he leaves me behind for his new college life. Theres a part of me that knows he's different. I feel so strongly for him, it just doesn't feel like something I should give up easily.Can college relationships work? Or would it be too rough? Would trust issues, etc break us up anyways? Should I just end it now? Or take the risk and hope that he might change his mind?
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (3 January 2010):
He's not committed to you, and you are to him. That's not a good sign. He'll either dump you or cheat on you. I think if he has said he doesn't' want a girlfriend while in college, it would be better to leave now before you get hurt.
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (3 January 2010):
As far as breaking up with him now or right before he goes to college is up to you. Neither of us can tell you what the best thing to do is because you're going to do whichever you feel is right.
However, going off to college is probably going to be his first taste of freedom. And these things that you feel are "shallow" are a part of growing up, and personally I think most people should be allowed to do this with no obligations that way they can get it out of their system and be mature adults when they need to be. If he's away at college and you're still in high school, of course there's going to be trust issues. College is a totally different experience with an entirely new group of people a lot of the time. Besides that, a long distance relationship is hard enough, plus all of what I mentioned--it's very hard to overcome.
If things are meant to be, maybe one day you'll end up together. But if he's wanting to be single when he enters college, you need to respect that and not try to cling onto him. He could change his mind 8-months from now, but then 2-months into college, he'll probably change his mind again.
I'm just letting you know how things are. You two are still very young and shouldn't worry about staying together forever and always. But with what's been said, you decide if you should dump him now or wait.
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