A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Long story short: I stooped through my boyfriend's phone, found a text he sent to his best friend saying that he's been missing his ex a lot lately. They've been broken up for over a year, and we've been together for almost a year. He said he saw on Facebook that she is in a new relationship, and he messaged her to say he hopes this guy treats her well and like the most wonderful girl in the world. I didn't confront him, but I did ask him if he ever misses her and he said that he does in some aspects. He reassures me all the time, and shows me every day how much he loves me and want to be with me. We live together and our lease is almost up, but he says he still wants to live with me.Is it possible to miss your ex and still be madly in love with your current gf? And when will this feeling of missing her subside? I love him so much, but I can't stand sharing his mindspace with another girl he has had serious feelings for. I know it was wrong to snoop, but it happened and now I'm miserable. Please help :(
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female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (14 January 2012):
 I completely 100% disagree with the anonymous poster. Are you kidding me? What more can she want? How about a boyfriend who doesn't miss and long for his ex..? And ignore what's going on in his head? That isn't a relationship. That's 2 people dating and not communicating with each other/ignoring a huge issue. Listen to the first poster. It isn't normal to miss an ex or follow her on facebook this way unless he just isn't over her. Yes he wants to be with you, and not to say it harshly, but it's because she isn't an option. You are probably a great girlfriend and he wouldn't give you up since he can't have her anyway, but if she ever became available... He's gone. I'm sure it hurt like hell to read that and I'm sorry it happened to you. Personally I would leave the relationship because I won't be second best to anyone. But others may be more patient or willing to deal with something like this, or think it is good enough and hope he gets over her and loves you as much as he does her. It's up to you. But certainly don't ignore it or be "thankful" for his behavior. The anonymous poster's comment is a joke. Have some confidence. It IS your business what he thinks and says, you have opinions and thoughts and are not a doormat. Nor should you apologize so profusely for checking his phone. Any relationship that keeps a phone off limits is a bad sign, in our relationship our phone and email was shared and open from the beginning, and why shouldn't it be? A relationship should be open and communicative, not hiding and keeping secrets. You should probably talk openly about seeing his phone message etc. and talk about this. Doesn't get you very far or feel better to beat around the bush and ask random questions. Good luck in whatever you decide to do.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2012): Ya, I'm with Sageoldguy on this which I'm wondering should of been Safeoldguy.
He's got her as a back up plan, sorry but there are many guys and gals like that. What he misses about her is all water under the bridge now, no need to worry, you're with him now until otherwise. Loves a gamble, roll the dice, play nice. It's all you can do.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2012): yes it was wrong of you to snoop.
he's also being honest with you that he misses her.
so, what more can you do? You can't force him not to miss her, you can't control his thoughts.
you need to not make it any of your business what's going on inside his head. He's made the conscious decision to stay in this relationship with you and is putting his words to actions in demonstrating a commitment to you. he's treating you well. just be thankful for this, and focus on what you have. as time passes he may naturally miss her less and less.
in the meantime it's not your business what his thoughts are, only his actions that affect you should be your business.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (13 January 2012):
 About your snooping:..... No comment...
About the embers he still has for his ex- .... that's classic "guy" for holding out that the old G/F will come to her senses and become a second outlet for our sexual desires..... i.e.: YOU stay in the picture, and SHE remains available for when he gets tired of - or wants a break from - you......
Good luck....
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