A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend believes that him flirting with and kissing other women is not cheating. I’ve tried talking to him but he gets reactive and angry. I feel it is cheating so I refrain from engaging with other men, but his perspective has me in knots. I’m not sure that I can deal with what I’m starting to feel is an unbalanced open relationship. He also doesn’t tell women he’s in a relationship.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2021): My wife is the same way, has been since we got married and our Son is 30 now. It can work out, but its an interesting dynamic for sure. She insists that as long as penis does not enter vagina, cheating has not occurred.
Some people are "broke' like this.....she loves fantasizing with me about having sex with other guys, calls me their names, pretends she is with them sexually (even to the extent of professing a desire to get pregnant by them), but the most she has ever done with those guys is kissing, making out, about anything you can do with clothes on and genitals inside them...she SWEARS she has never had sex with them!!
If you can handle the situation, it can be quite sexciting albiet unusual and not something you share with friends and family.
CW
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2021): Okay, if he thinks kissing and flirting with other women is not cheating, tell him you will kiss and flirt with other men. And then show him the door. He does not deserve you. He does not deserve any woman. He is going to keep hurting every woman he is with with this attitude. Unless she is up for something casual and does not care about him at all. But most women would care. Nobody wants to be cheated on or made to feel like they are not good enough to be the only.Well, consider yourself lucky that you KNOW what kind of a man he is. You know exactly what you are in for. He is not trying to hide it. He completely disrespects you and thinks you are worthless and his to control. He thinks OP that you are WEAK and are desperate to hang onto him. He feels he can do whatever he pleases and you will put up with it. That is why he treats you like an option. Not the woman he loves and respects. Men will only do what a woman ALLOWS them to do. So, if you continue being his gf despite knowing he is weak, lacks character and maturity and is incredibly selfish, then that is on you. He is going to use you, and other women, as long as everybody allows him.Here is the problem. Women think with their emotions too much. Not that it is wrong. But it is wrong when you try to fool yourself into believing your man loves you or its some fairytale romance. Or you convince yourself he is a GOOD guy and do not see his deal breaker flaws. You push away all the bad things and the truths you know in order to keep him. Because you are lonely? Have low self worth? Think you will never find anyone else? Like having sex? Whatever VOID he is filling in you and your life right now.Is he worth your sanity? Your mental health? Your own self respect? Men like this will make you feel like you are not good enough. The worse they treat you, the more you CHASE them to get their validation. And they keep stringing you along, knowing you are desperately in love with them, clinging to every scrap of attention they throw your way. They think we are stupid females led around by our emotions and they PLAY us. In the end, we end up getting our heart broken and end up wasting all this precious time with a childish, egotistical and self centered player. Do you LOVE yourself OP? If you do, you will tell this guy to fuck off and go fuck whoever he wants. It will no longer be you. You can do better. Step back. Turn your emotions off. Stop thinking with your heart and even your libido. You know logically this man is no good for you. Your family and friends would be telling you the same thing if you told them what you told us.I know. I was in your shoes. Except my ex bf was never as blunt as to tell me to my face. He just kept lying and telling me I am paranoid, anxious and over reacting. He cheated with random women over the years when he had an opportunity. I was with him for 8 years. He told me he loved me and that I was his one and only. It slowly drove me insane to see all the signs and have him keep talking me out of it. I believed him because you are supposed to believe and TRUST your partner in relationships. But not everyone is WORTH our trust and our faith in them. I learned this lesson the hard way. My ex had NPD (narcissistic personality disorder). I told him to get help or he would keep cheating and discarding women. He felt entitled to do whatever he wanted with whomever he wanted. And worst of all, he had no empathy or conscience. He did not care who he was hurting as long as he felt like King of the world. He trampled over hearts just so he could feel special. As soon as a relationship got too close or on the verge of growing in intimacy, theses types get scared. They do not want a commitment. Once he would grow tired of me and needed a new ego boost, he would try a new flavor in the form of someone else. I ALLOWED him to treat me like a doormat. Until one day, I said ENOUGH!!! I saw scratches. Over and over. On his chest, back, legs, near his penis. He always said he had no idea how he got them. He kept denying it. To the point where it drove me out of my mind. I just eventually started to shut down in self preservation and let myself lose all the love and feelings I ever had for him. It was a gradual process of distancing myself but in time, that is what I HAD TO DO. I could not let him HURT me any longer. He was never in our relationship 100 percent. And he treated me like I was his sex toy. Just like all the other women he had sex with. It was all for fun and for his own ego. Nothing more. Sadly, I fell in LOVE with him. I believed his lies. And when it was time to let me go, he did it without looking back, while I am still here shattered and distraught. :(I don't want you to end up like me. On anti depressants. And anxiety meds. I am a shell of my former self. Still struggling to cope with what he has done to me. I wish I had left sooner. You, my dear, are in time. You do not have to stay with him a second longer. Choose to LOVE yourself. He does not love you. He does not know how to love. He does not know what love is.I stayed too long trying to FIX A BROKEN LITTLE BOY. But sometimes we CANNOT FIX THEM and will only destroy ourselves in the process.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2021): Regardless of what your boyfriend thinks is ok, what do YOU think is ok? I don't imagine you will find ONE person who agrees with your boyfriend and in his heart of hearts, he KNOWS this isn't ok either. He's playing with you. Seeing how far he can push you before you tell him to clear off.
I bet he can't believe that you're still with him.
Do yourself a favour, grow yourself a backbone and tell him your 'relationship' is over. Let him go and disrespect some other poor female. But let it stop being YOU he is making a fool out of.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (15 February 2021):
 So why are you with him?
He obviously doesn't care hoe you feel nor does he respect you.
Let him go, don't accept for him to treat you in a manner you are not comfortable with. You don't HAVE to be dating him, and he IS "just" a BF...
Let him go, that way YOU can stop wasting your time on a man who doesn't want to be faithful.
Also if he is flirting and kissing with other women how can you trust him to no go further? To no bring home a STD? It's gross.
UNLESS you both (and you clearly don't) want an open relationship tell him it's over - that you CAN and WILL do better.
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (15 February 2021):
 No this is certainly not ok, you know this, and he also now this.
I'm sorry to say OP, but he is making a fool out of you, he is having his cake and eating it. And lying to other people about his status. I wonder if its just kissing and flirting he is getting up to.
Anyway, that irrelevant, what is relevant is that he is a liar, and is cheating on you. There are two many red flags here, and I think you need to end things with him, sooner rather than later.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2021): Flirting may or may not be cheating. Some people see it as cheating others see it as harmless social fun. But you see it as cheating and that's what matters. His flirting with other women makes you uncomfortable and you have told him so; if he cared about you and respected you he would stop.
Kissing other women is cheating. You know that. He has made it clear he is not going to stop. You have two choices: stay and accept his disrespect or move on.
Good luck to you.
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