A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend says that I'm too good for him, and he thought this from the start. He sometimes says that he thinks that no matter what he does, I'll always deserve better. This seems like a pretty depressing point of view, and I wish he'd see how much I love him. What can i do to make him realise that I'm with him because I love him? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2011): Nah, it's not about his insecurities. More like he's warning you he's going to let you down because HE doesn't love you enough. Its a way for a guy to be an arse and pretend he's not so you'll feel sorry for him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2011): I really hate that line.
In my experience, "You're too good for me" actually translates into: "I like being with you in the moment...but I can't possibly imagine a future with someone like you"
Perhaps I'm being cynical, but it tends to be a method for men (or women) to deflect their own ambivalence and insecurities onto their partner. They don't say, "You scare me a little, you make me insecure, I have doubts you would want to commit to someone like me"...
Rather they say, "You're too good for me...one day you'll find someone better...it's only a matter of time before you leave me"
It's fatalistic, presumptuos, passive-agressive and like you said, extremely depressing to hear. It means that person is already envisioning the end of the relationship, even while it's going on and you're trying to live in the moment.
What can you do to make him appreciate your love? I don't think you can. Some people just don't want to be open to affection.
I think you can start by telling him how that statement makes you feel. Perhaps say something along the lines of "It's really frustrating to love someone who acts like I'm destined to leave them. It makes all my efforts and feelings feel futile and useless. It's like you are already envisioning the end of the relationship. I don't want to leave you because I love you. I am certain of this... If you keep saying this, is it because you are uncertain? Please tell me why?"
"Too good for me" is a pretty arrogant thing to say. It's a bit condescending to tell someone what they are good for. Now that I think about it, the only time I've heard the phrase and liked it is in the song, "The Sweetest Taboo"
Good luck.
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