A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:A few months ago, while using my boyfriends phone to make a call I noticed an unregistered, unfamiliar area code number dialed late at night. Later, when I asked my boyfriend about it he said he didn't know what I was talking about and denied it. This is when I became suspicious of him.I then found texts to other women, while snooping, and they were all unregistered numbers. He keeps texting random women and his phone is constantly glued to him, and is passcode protected. He never lets me use it and says that his phone is his business. When I asked him he again denied it and got very defensive and blamed me for looking. I understand snooping is bad, but isn't lying and cheating worse?? Whenever I walk into the room and he is texting he quickly puts his phone away and if I ask who he was texting he says he wasn't and gets defensive. I have seen the texts to other women with my own eyes so how can he keep lying and denying it? I can't even bring it up to him because he just gets silent and won't talk about it. I want the truth! PS they also exchange pictures, I found a lot of naked pictures of girls on his computer that he saved in a folder and they were all different girls. I feel disgusted and hurt.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2012): It will hurt right now but its important to remember you were fine before you ever met him, and you will be fine again after you go your separate ways. Its just going to take time, but honestly you are much better off without him and in time you will realise this and you will be thankful you made the decision sooner and not hung around for him to continue hurting you. :)
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (6 June 2012):
 Even if he did fight for you, what would you have done? He was being unfaithful to you...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell yesterday I broke up with him. It was nothing like a planned it with a lot of yelling and screaming. I showed him proof of his disgusting texts to other women and he didn't like it. I'm sad at the moment that he just let me walk away and didn't fight for me. Guess he never really cared.
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A
male
reader, Mosaic +, writes (5 June 2012):
 if you have seen it with your own eyes as you said you did. then the reason he keeps lying and denying is because you let him. in his defence. i have never cheated on a woman but i doo keep lots of porn on my computer and phone. i am defensive of it but most girls are accepting and understand.
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (5 June 2012):
 You should break up with him. He's not being honest and you cannot make a life checking up on him and always worrying everytime he touches his phone. P.S. if he's like me he uses his phone for everything; checking things on the web, setting alarms to wake up, calendar alerts to remind me of appointments, birthdays etc., so in reality just because I'm holding my phone does not mean I'm texting anyone. But once your suspicious are raised it's hard to get past them. Trust is at the core of every relationship, and he has violated yours. I don't see this relationship ever going anywhere.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (5 June 2012):
I think you already know what's going on and deep down you know what to do as advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.
Think it's time to dump this guy.
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A
female
reader, jinxx  +, writes (4 June 2012):
 You know the truth, so there's no sense in waiting around for him to admit it. Either you're cool with him cheating, or you're not. I'm guessing you're the latter. Just leave... he's not even close to worth your time.
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A
female
reader, ImmortalPrincess +, writes (4 June 2012):
 Sounds like it's time for a new boyfriend. There's a reason that things get to this level, apparently he isn't happy in your relationship, and obviously he has no respect for you. If he can't be honest with you, about it, then it's time for you to move on, you deserve better.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2012): Snooping is a sign you don't trust him and to be honest, who can blame you for not trusting him?! Lying and doing the things he's doing is worse in this case because if it weren't for him doing those things in the first place there would have been no suspicious findings for you to pull him up about. Obviously getting on his case about it isn't working. Have you tried to sit him down and have a rational conversation about it? Ask him for the truth and tell him you would like to understand why he does these things, but you can't unless you know the truth... Etc. If that doesn't work then you may have no other option than to kick him to the curb and concentrate on yourself and be thankful you got rid.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (4 June 2012):
 I totally agree with SVC, especially with the last sentence which is fantastic. What the hell are you waiting for, a neon light display? If you saw women's texts and naked women that are NOT stock photos of porn stars, then it's already done. No more talks. No more snooping. No more denial.
Drop him. Stop trying to get him to admit, because it'll never happen. It's not working out, so drop him, very simple.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 June 2012):
 Snooping is bad
Lying and cheating is bad
Both are bad there is not that one is worse than the other.
You snooped because you don’t trust him. I had a husband like that. I snooped. The man I am with now, leaves his phone unprotected lying around… same with his email… I can look at anything I want at any time… I don’t. I have no need… Same with him, he can look at my phone or my emails at any time…
IF he’s lying and defensive and cheating what else do you want and need from him?
If he says to you “yes I’m texting and emailing with other women, I send them pictures of my junk and they send me nudes back” what are you going to do? Say “thank you for telling me let’s proceed as we were?”
Are you going to tell him to stop it and expect that he will?
What good will having him tell you the truth do? Do you need to hear from him that he is a liar and a cheat so you can leave him?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2012): You're asking all these questions, yet I only have one in return.
Why are you still with him? Naked pictures, texts and calls. He's cheating. You know he's cheating. He knows you know. So just get out of there and stop dragging things on.
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