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female
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anonymous
writes: I know my bf talks with his ex gf sometimes, and he doesn't want her to know that he has a gf, he told me that the reason is because he doesn't want her to ask him so many questions, should i believe him, is this just a lie? Is he not telling her because he wants her to fall back on? I don't know what to think, a part of me wants to trust him and a part of me doesn't. What should i do, i've already asked him and he's going to tell me the same thing if i ask him again, it just doesn't sound right to me, what should i do about this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2007): Well, I wouldn't panic at first maybe he hasn't told her yet because he's not sure if she still has feelings for him and doesn't want to hurt her and ruin their friendship. I'm in the same situation except I'm the ex-girlfriend. It took my ex a about nine months to talk to me about his girlfriend, that was after he had asked me if I still had feelings for him and reason being is because he didnt want to hurt me and lose me as a friend. How long were they together, Is it clear between the both of them that their relationship is just a friendship and nothing more? These are the questions I would ask him. Former lovers can still be friends or even best friends after their relationship has hit bottom. I wouldn't be suspicious unless you know more about their friendship and past. His excuse about not telling her seems like he just threw that out there to drop the subject. He may as well not be sure of her feelings towards him or his feelings for her. Its a messing situation, but if he loves you he will come around sooner or later.
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female
reader, Jendorset  +, writes (13 February 2007):
He obviously doesnt want to her to know because he doesnt want to hurt her/upset her. This is absolutely rediculas. If he was serious about your relationship he wouldnt hide it from anyone. Yeah he might not want to answer questions. But what questions would they even be. Would she try and ask him if he still loved her. Or, is she the type of girl that will want him when she cant have him. Tell him to either be serious about your relationship and TELL HER, or DONT see her AT ALL. So its either, tell her, dont see her, or its over.
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female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (13 February 2007):
 Hi
it doesnt sound right to me either. you are not suppose to stay in this relationship if he is ashamed of you because that is how it sound to me. are you sure they have broken up? because i know some players will tell you about the ex they have and how friendly they are towards each other and only to find that he is just two timing you she doesnt even know it either. if u are sure they have broken up then i think he still loves her and doesnt want her to know he has moved in case he will wants her back so if she knew his chances to get her back will be very slim.
talk to him and tell him how you truly feel if he continues with his excuses ask him why he doest want to answer her questions because i am sure the questions she will ask are just the normal questions like "how serious are you about her" do you love her" etc nothing cynical about it. so if he is uncomfortable with telling her he has moved on the truth is he hasnt. which means this is not the man you want to be with he is not honest to you and he has no respect for this relationship. so if you dont mind get out of this mess before he humiliates you any further.
jovial
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A
female
reader, TygersDream  +, writes (13 February 2007):
 He probably won't tell her because he's afraid the dynamics of their relationship would change. Even though they're NOT going out with each other any more, there might still be some feelings they have for each other. TO be frank, he might entertain the fact that they could get back together if they were apart for awhile. Or maybe he likes to think (fantasize, in other words) that his ex-girlfriend who hurt him when they broke up STILL has lingering feelings for him. This flirtation with possibilities validates himself as a person. If that is so, then telling him that he has a girlfriend would mean that this fantasy episode will have to end and that he'll REALLY have to let go and move on. WIth you, preferably ;)
Does he call her, or does she call him? If it's the former, I WOULD get worried - Why does he need to call her, after all? If it's the latter, you have a right to express your concern. So WHAT if she asks too many questions? He might feel like his private life IS private, and doesn't want her to have any part in it. Does this sound like your boyfriend? On the other hand, if it doesn't, then you have to have a talk with him and tell him that if he loves you, he HAS to come clean with his ex.
YOu also have to be prepared that you may be his rebound girlfriend.
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