A
female
age
30-35,
*FG117
writes:Hi I just need advice on this thing that happened recently my boyfriend sent a text to my sister just out of the blue and says that he's liked her for a long time even before me and him got together and because my sister had a relationship at that time he didn't pursue her. He tells her that she's beautiful and that he knows the consequences if she tells me about this but he'd rather tell her now before he forgets about it. He says that she shouldn't worry because he won't come by our house anymore.We've been together for 15 months, 3 years as friends first then he asked me to be his girlfriend. I knew before that most of my guy friends liked my sister including him and when he asked me out I was skeptical at first. I asked him if he was sure because I knew he liked my sister before but he assured me that it was just a crush and that he's in love with me now.Yet after more than a year he does this and we haven't even had a fight or any misunderstandings for him to even to do this. I haven't talked to him since my sister let me read his text. I seriously don't know what to do so any advice is very helpful. Thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2011): If we don't accept that sometimes we get hurt, then we are disregarding the real meaning of life. Life is not supposed to be so easy. If we don't encounter things like this then we haven't really live a normal life. There is no exact same situation regarding love. People's emotions and how they act are unique from others, so there will be lots of differences. It is easy to give her an advice to dump that guy here and there, but what if she missed an important detail in what she wrote? I have an experience 5 years ago that I am still regretting until now. My ex has a thing for my bestfriend before he courted me, and I knew it but still I agreed to be his girlfriend. We lasted for 2 years, but I broke up with him because I read a message on my ex's
email that is addressed for my bestfriend saying that he still has a thing for her, and he wants to get rid of his feelings so that he can love me more without any reserve. I got so mad that I broke up with him, broke my friendship with my bestfriend and never talked to my ex again. My ex committed suicide, and a very close friend of his told me in the funeral that my ex loved me so much that he wants to eliminate all things that may cause a problem for us in the future. I wont tell anymore what I did next because it's so obvious now I'm 35 and I'm still single. So all I can say is he may be a jerk and a scumbag but don't make a decision that you'll regret forever. If you love him and he's trying to come back to you, giving him another chance may be a very bad idea, but nothing's not worth giving a try. After all you said that you agreed to be her girlfriend with doubts that he still has a thing for your sister and it means you want to gamble your feelings for him. Dump him immediately if he does it again. Anyway you have the control now if he's trying to get back to you. If he really doesn't care for you, he will disappear without a trace for sure. I hope I had stated my point very clear and you'll not regret any decisions that you'll make in the future.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2011): Weight your thoughts carefully. Deciding in a single snap will not solve everything. If you love him, give him a second chance. If he is willing to repent, give him tasks to compensate. Guys are usually dishonest, so I am quite amazed he had the audacity to say this. He might be trying to prove something else, so please take care about that. It's not that I totally disagree with all the previous advices, but sometimes not knowing the exact situation will destroy a possible long lasting relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2011): I'm with Ciar. Don't contact or respond to him at all. He 100% used you. He couldn't have your sister, so he settled for you. The fact he was friends with you for 3 years and didn't ask you out should have been your first clue. If someone took that long to ask me out, I'd certainly be suspicious, especially if I knew he had liked my already-taken sister. I would assume he was only hanging out with me/being my friend so he'd be around and know when my sister was single again. (I'm talking in a hypothetical situation since I'm already married so I have no interest in dating, and I have a brother, not a sister.) Anyhow, don't give this man another second of your time, not even to break up with him. He's already wasted 15 months, (unless you also count the 3 years of friendship, then he's wasted 4 years and 3 months) so if anything you'll at least have the satisfaction of knowing he can't waste anymore of your time.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (8 September 2011):
 I think you need to accept this relationship is going nowhere.
Do your grieving and then move on. The sooner you get over him the sooner you will be willing to meet somebody who will love you for who you are, not for some airy fairy pie in the sky.
This guy is a liar and a loser. You dont say how long ago he sent the text to your sister, it doesnt matter really, its over.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (8 September 2011):
 Get rid of him, both as a boyfriend and as a friend.
This young man doesn't deserve the courtesy of being officially dumped. Just move on, without a word, and let him figure it out.
Do not contact or respond to him. Ever.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2011): ABORT!!! ABORT!!! Lik you should never let any man come between yours and your sisters relationship. Just because he hasn't yet doesnt mean he wont. It sounds like he's tryin to be scandalous and have two sisters at the same time. I've experienced a similar situation before where my bf kissed my sister. Unfortunately, yeah I was super mad but I directed a lot of my anger towards my sister instead of on him. For a little while I wouldn't talk to my sister. After some time passed she did sincerely apologize and I forgave her. But don't let a man try and interfere and get away with it. Leave his scandalous ass!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2011): Wow, he sounds like a real jerk for doing that to you! I'm so sorry. At least your sister sounds honorable and showed you the truth of what he is. He is a manipulator and a lier. I think it is wise that you do not talk to him any more. You deserve to be with someone who likes you for who you are and loves you for being you, not just your sister.
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