A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I really upset my boyfriend, i always keep him awake at night, because i find it hard to sleep, so i keep nudging him to wake up and it really pisses him off, i also have this childish attitude when im upset, and i talk a lot, and ask him a lot of questions all the time which he considers irrelevant...like-do you love me? and all that. all of these things i do is keeping him away, he barely has feelings for me anymore. and i love him deeply. pls help me urgently. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Advice_man  +, writes (9 September 2011):
 I don't understand! You realize all the things you do wrong, you act selfisly and in an annoying way towards your boyfriend and you wonder what to do? Change! Become a better person! Learn not to be selfish! You cannot wake up your boyfriend in the middle of the night because YOU can sleep. You don't care that he might be tired? Learn to love.
A
female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (8 September 2011):
 You sound insecure. Why do you think that is? What can you do (without his assistance) to build up your self-esteem so you don't need the constant reassurances?
Do you have a fulfilling job and/or good friends that enjoy spending time with you?
It is unfair to enter a relationship with someone so overburdened by emotional turmoil that we rely on them to feel good about ourselves. It is difficult to say whether or not you can do anything to fix this – once feelings begin to fade, it may not be possible to inspire them in him again – but if you are going to have any kind of chance to do this, you must learn to love and accept yourself.
While this is a simple fix, it is not initially easy, but you can start by listening to empowering music and pursue the hobbies that keep you happy. Take a course and meet new friends with common interests.
When you feel insecure and are tempted to ask him to pad your ego with reassurances, especially when he is sleeping, stop yourself – you are aware what you are doing is wrong – distract yourself with television or a good book until you are ready to sleep.
I can often be heard saying (or seen typing) “fake it until you make it”. Believe that you are an interesting and confident woman who is not worried about what others think of her to feel good about herself. If and when your boyfriend is no longer interested in you, you can deal with it at the time instead of pushing him away with her insecurities.
You can do this. Be strong and believe in yourself. Good luck.
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