A
female
age
36-40,
*lavigne
writes:My boyfriend of a year has been friends with his first love for years now but since we've started dating i've felt uncomfortable when he told me he was going on a two week vacation to hawaii with her and that she was coming out to our apartment to visit for a week. we've fought alot about it and he doesn't see the problem because they're just friends. but are they too close of friends. he says he wants to marry me one day and that i need to stop being jealous and that i over-react but he doesn't want her out of his life. then he's also friends with his one-night stands and still keeps in contact with all of them. he always has one of them and i in his life at all times.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2007): Ummm...wow. While I think that it is great that your boyfriend is still able to be civil and even maintain friendships with his ex, I find it odd for him to even think about taking a 2 week vacation alone with her in such a romantic place. How would he feel if you told him that you were leaving for 2 weeks to spend time with an ex boyfriend on a tropical island? Yeah, that's how YOU should feel.
Wait...did you also mention that he still keeps in contact with his one night stands? Totally unacceptable. The only reason to continue to keep in contact with a one night stander is if there is a possibility of hooking up again. With a one night stand, there was no relationship in the first place....it was just a night of sex. So, there is absolutely no reason for him to continue to contact them. If he always seems to have one of them in his life, then there's a good chance that he is cheating or (best case senario) he feels the need to keep them on call "just in case."
Your boyfriend should not TELL you that he is spending 14 days alone with his ex or that she is coming to stay over at the place you two share....that is something that should be DISCUSSED and AGREED upon. You have a say regarding who comes to stay in YOUR apartment and what happens within the boundaries of YOUR relationship. If you do not agree and he simply calls you jealous and continues to do what he wants, he does not respect your opinions or your feelings.
He calls you jealous for being upset that he's keeping other women on the side? I call you smart for being upset in the first place and foolish if you continue to allow it!
A
female
reader, flower girl  +, writes (3 July 2007):
 I think that it is good that he can still have that sort of friendship with ex's and it sounds like he is not hiding anything from you.
I have got to say i know how you feel though, because when i met my husband his best friend was a female and they used to go out together all the time, and i was not invited and i always thought there might have been more to their relationship, and it did take me a while to realise they were just friends that was how it was when i met him and i just had to deal with it, strangely enough now me and that women are the very best of friends and they have drifted apart over the years.
If you let this get to you it will eventually ruin your relationship, they still have a strong connection but he has chosen to be with you.
Take care.xx.
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