A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I was with my boyfriend for close to four years. We lived together and planned on marrying. A month ago I went on a trip for a week, when I returned my bf and I talked and decided that we both needed some time to make sure we still wanted the same things. He never moved out and we never really stopped dating. Last week we decided that we couldn't live without each other and we were going to work it out. After reaching this decision I recieved a text from a friend letting me know that while I was on my trip my bf slept with my best friend. (Mind you we were still together at this point)He addmitted to the afair. I kicked him out of the house and I will never speak to my friend again. I am so hurt by all of this. Has anyone experienced this? Any advice for easing the pain. I loved him I wanted to marry him. How could they do this to me? I am so hurt.
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female
reader, Denise1115 +, writes (20 January 2011):
Oh sweetie I know that must hurt :( I was with my guy for almost 3 years and he broke up with me. 1 week later he starts talking to my now former best friend of 17 years. A week after that I find out they are "dating". She denied it and said they were just friends. She lied to my face and I knew she was lying because someone else had already told me they were sneaking around earlier that same day I confronted her about it. Well when tge truth came out he said he didn't care how I felt about it because she lied to him and told him I was messing around on him
The entire time we were together with several different men! 5 months went by and she slowly stopped talking to him so he sent me a text message saying he was sorry and he never meant to hurt me as badly as he did and explained how the two of them started talking. He slept with me a week later then told me he used me and he shouldn't have done it and that he was gonna give her another chance. As soon as she found out him and I were talking again (just as friends) she jumped back into the picture! Which is why he said he wanted to give her another chance. They are still together and I don't speak to either of them. The messed up part is he tried to get us to be friends again! I told him as long as they are together I can't be friends with either of them. And that's when I stopped talking to him! The only advice I can give is to keep yourself surrounded with REAL friends and talk about it as much as you want because it does help to talk about it. It don't matter if you say the same thing over and over again it still helps. I wouldn't be where I am now if it were not for my friends,they still let me talk about it because they know talking about it and crying if I need to helps.
A
female
reader, moiradarling +, writes (6 August 2010):
I know how you feel. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years and I've known him for 10. We were high school sweethearts and we went off to college together. A year into college I met my former "best friend." (we were best friends for 5 years). The two of us became closer than best friends, more like sisters, or best friend soul mates. I trusted her with everything. I told her everything, we spent every day together, slept over at eachothers houses almost every night. By the way, she has had the same boyfriend for the past 5 years, a boyfriend who I have known longer than she has and am close to as well.
We also had another best friend who started dating a guy and the three of them (my two best friends and the guy) went camping. I found out a month later along with my best friend who was dating the guy that our other best friend had slept with him twice while he was dating my girlfriend.
My friend immediately moved back to her home state and my soul mate best friend made it seem like our friend was over reacting.
Fast forward a week after that and my boyfriend and I moved into an apartment together, and her boyfriend went on study abroad for a semester so we were spending more and more time together. I even got a job a block away from her so we could eat lunch together. I was there for her through everything......and vice versa. I confided in her, told her intimate details of my boyfriends and mine relationship, just everything. The three of us would always hang out and I never thought anything weird of it. Her boyfriend eventually came back and the four of us started hanging. And her and her boyfriend moved in together. Well, her boyfriend would make comments about how he thought my boyfriend and his girlfriends relationship was weird and how he thought something fishy was going on. I always stood up for them and convinced myself that it would never happen.
Well, my boyfriend and I started having problems, so I decided to take a break and go home for a week to think. I was really upset and tried getting a hold of my best friend, but she was unreachable for 3 days and I started to worry. Finally, I called her at work and she sent me an email saying she had "feelings" for my boyfriend. I called my boyfriend, who after an hour of beating it out of him, admitted to sleeping with her in our apartment the day before. Wile I was worried about where she was for 3 days, she was in my apartment having sex with my boyfriend. I bought a plane ticket back, packed up my stuff and moved out of the apartment.
A few days later, I found out from her boyfriend that the two of them had been sleeping together for months and that the only reason my boyfriend told me was because her boyfriend walked in on them in my apartment that day.
He has apologized to me, and when I look at him, I know he means it, but she does not sound sincere at all in her apologies. She seems to have no remorse. She still has yet to "admit" the truth to me. It just seems that all she cares about is herself and she doesnt give a sh*t about what shes done to me.
I am completely floored that they were able to do this to me. Once, I walked in on them looking very comfortable on my couch together and when I flipped out about it, she basically called me crazy and wrote me an email saying that "I could never even look at him in that way, I would never do that to you and I would stop talking to him if it would make you happy. I think my boyfriend is convincing you that somethings going on and you guys are so wrong. Your boyfriend grosses me out and he treats you like crap, so I would never do that."
Well, I guess her boyfriend was right all along. Even now, the two of them still continue to see each other. I wonder to myself, "Is this what they wanted all along? To get me out of the way so they could be together?? How could they even look me in the face knowing that they were deceiving me?"
I have never felt this kind of pain. It is the most awful, wretched feeling anyone can feel. Betrayed, deceived, backstabbed, fooled. Just wretched.
It blows my mind that people are so capable of hurting each other so easily. It makes me sick. I am so sorry to all of you girls who have experienced this pain and are still dealing with it. Believe me, I understand. But I know that the reason this happened to us was so we wouldn't waste any more time with these bad people in our lives.
As much as it hurts, I am glad I know who they really are and what they are capable of. And while yes, it does suck sooo badly to have lost them and for this to have happened to me, the one who didnt deserve it, they will always have to live with what they did to me. Even if they dont feel bad now, they will, and I reeeally hope that one day they will know what this suffering feels like when the people they love hurt them just as badly.
Stay strong and beautiful, you're not in this alone.
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A
female
reader, Sharonday  +, writes (18 March 2010):
I can't believe the similarity after just reading your question. I have been with my boyfriend for just over 4 years. He has walked out on me a lot of times but we have got back together usually because he can't live without me! This happened September 09 then he called me in October and begged me to take him back and made so many promises. Against my better judgement I let him come back and did not realise how depressed I felt as I felt my life was totally out of control. I never knew when he would walk again. I decided to give him one more chance. Well, he did try and I was very self protective. I went away for a week around valentines this Feb. He texted me the day after valentines and said he/we were not happy and wanted to talk when I got back. He picked me up and when we got home he had cleared away his stuff. We did not get to talk as I was so upset and he just left. The next day I saw him leaving church and saw him go to the local train station. I sent him an email and talked to him last week because there was a part of me that thought he was coming back (and wanted him too:-( ). He said there was someone at work that he liked! I was very upset. 2 days ago I called him again as I had been hearing rumours!.. I found out the day after he left me he travelled upto and slept with one of my best friends, but too put a twist on it she has also spent two years living with my son's father! They had connected on facebook and it was all planned. He is a total liar. And is telling everyone that he 'likes someone' and then when confronted that it was one of my best friends he said it was an aquaintance of mine! I feel devestated and disgusted by what they have done. Totally betrayed. I have been signed off from work and can't eat, sleep or do anything really. I am going from the depths of despair to such anger that I want to destroy things. I am so unable to cope with how I am feeling at the moment and feel frightened and afraid for my future and how I will cope. I have never experienced this agony. I had read of this kind of thing happening to people and always thought it the very worst kind of betrayal. I have loved this man and always been there for him. I can't believe he could do this to me. Why. I just keep asking the same question. And as for her, well, i have always been there for her too. And supported her big time when she split from my son's dad! The funny thing in all this is my recent boyfriend has always been extremely jealous of my ex and now he is sleeping with another one of his ex's. What a mess. My son is hurt and upset. I don't know what I will do if I see her around here with him. I live in a very small village and just want to hurt them so much on the one hand and on the other know they are not worth it. I so want this agony to end.I know I have to just take one day at a time but feel so afraid as to how I will hold things together.
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A
female
reader, tealbaby3 +, writes (8 November 2009):
 Ladies, I honestly feel all your pain.. just reading all these stories, feels like my heart is getting broken all over again. My boyfriend of almost 3 years just did the same thing sept 17th of 2009 (it is now november 8th). I however, didn't find out till about 3 or 4 weeks ago. She was my best friend of over 10 years, they had been drinking when it happened, although I also believe he was more drunk than her. They both knew what they were doing, and they did it anyway! The scariest part, was that I slept with him afterwards, not knowing about this, and almost got an STD from the 2 people I love(d). It's horrible to think what people are capable of doing to others... the best thing to do is to try to look at the situation and think of something positive through it all. Sometimes, I believe God puts us through experiences like this to test us and our faith for him. I have since been putting God heavily into my life and reevaluating what is imporant to me, and the people I surround myself with. I have started counseling and medication as well, and that helps a lot. When you go through this sort of pain, it is all you can really do. He also left me with over 3,000 dollars worth of bills and treated me like crap after it all happened. We used to live together, talk about marraige, and he even impregnated me-- which I aborted and now I'm thankful I did. Looking back, I see how mistreated I was... and I just hope one day they both apologise to me and admit to themselves that they were guilty, eventhough none of us talk. I hope one day us ladies can all get over this, because I'm sure, this is probably one of the hardest things we've all ever gone through. For me it was and I think of it everyday, but hope to God that one day I let it all go (even if I never get the apology).
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2009): I went out with my ex boyfriends best friends the other night because they were in town. I've always gotten along with them marvelously. Drinks led to more drinks and finally one of them admitted that the two of them had had sex with my best friend. I knew of one of them but not the other. Then drinks led to more drinks finally they "thought I should know something" and told me that my best friend had also slept with my fiance. I cried the entire night. The thing was that while I was living together with my best friend there were clues and hints but since I had known her for close to ten years I didn't think much of it. I had asked her once and she said no so I believed her. After all she was my best friend and if I couldn't trust her I couldn't trust anyone. But little things started to come up, like her refusing to stop talking to him when we broke up, him buying her gifts on random occasions, things like that. I found out as well that it wasn't just the one time either that apparently it was five or six times. regardless, I've completely voided all contact with said "friend" and he's off fighting the war (I guess if u call what he does fighting) so I'm ok. :) as everyone says time heals all wounds and so far I'm doing great :)
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A
female
reader, mandalovetink  +, writes (5 July 2009):
alright well we are sort of not exactly on the same page/ but sort of. me and my boyfriend only were dating for about 2 months altogether.1 month in he slept with my best friend. he was really realy really drunk when it happened she was hardly that drunk. it took them a hole month to tell me. he acted like nothing had happened at all. around the end he was being really distant and moody.it just hurts so much. he was the one that ended up telling me. at first she couldn't even admit it to me. i knew her for almost 10 years and she goes and does this to me. a one night stand sort of thing
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2009): This happend to me a few years back my best friend slept with my boyfriend on the night we got engaged I was so mad I tried to kill myself because he had done this before and said he was drunk I took him back and now he did this. now I realise that he was not worth any of the pain that I went through. It took me at least 1 year months before I even thought of dating again. he hurt me so bad. I am now in a relationship and I have a baby boy. who I love to pieces You will never forget what happened but you do get over it eventually
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A
female
reader, fearlessmexchic +, writes (28 April 2009):
I'm sorry that this pain was caused by the 2 people I'm sure you trusted to not hurt you. I too was betraid by my friend of 12 yrs. She came to hang out with me and my boyfriend while her husband was away on a gig playing in a band. We watched our kids grow we being friends since b4 having children I loved her like a sister and to me she was. Not wanting to be alone over the wkend I let her stay the night and that following day being a sunday we went to church together like many times before. We parted ways and his birthday was that sunday also. I went back home and on monday all of a sudden my heart told me something was wrong and my 1st instinct was to call my bf. She was on the other line w/my bf and he was cought off guard by us both calling min apart and said he was on the other line w/my friend. That night they slept together later he confessed
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A
female
reader, Patient1 +, writes (27 March 2007):
 That's one of the most devistating things to go through. Not only have you lost your boyfriend, but also your best friend. One thing you have to bare in mind is that it's not your fault. It's going to be hard to get over and to ever trust anyone ever again. But what you have to realize is that he is obviously not your soul mate, if he was, he would have never done something like that to you. And your ex-best friend, well, she's obviously not a TRUE friend, because a true friend will resist temptation for the consideration of your feelings. Years ago, my best friends boyfriend tried to kiss me, and though it was very tempting, I stopped him and told my friend. That's what friends do. She left him and met the man of her dreams who she is married to today, and she and I are still best friends. Try not to let this interfere with any future relationships that you may encounter, everybody is different. Use it as a learning experience and try your best not to let it drag you down. With every ending comes a new begining, and it's what you make of it. I wish you the best of luck and I hope that God helps to ease your pain.
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A
female
reader, Reebe +, writes (27 March 2007):
 Unfortunatly there seems like there was cracks in your relationship before you went away. He obviously thought he could get away with it, or he didn't care enough to stop it, incase he was found out.
Your hurt and it's red raw right now, the only thing you can do is go through the process, day by day things will get easier until you realise you don't miss him so much and you feel ready to move on.
Keep busy and make sure you spend time with your friends and remember time does heal eventually.
Keep smiling and good luck!
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