A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I need some advice, so anyone who could be of any help - i'd really appreciate it! I have been dating my boyfriend for about a year - on and off. But we grew up together. anyways, during our off times, he goes to parties - gets drunk - and sleeps with other girls (including his ex gf.) I tried to get payback once, and I did it regretfully. Thats not me. Anyways, He treats me like crap, but he can be great too. Its the little things that set him off. For example.. we could be having a great time watching a movie, and hed be reminded of something negative between us, and be upset with me. Its really hard, he has a drinking problem, but doesnt think there is any reason to stop. He has choked me when he was drunk once aswell.I have tried leaving him and letting go, but its really hard. My friends are too busy with there own personal lives, and I recently lost my job. So Now im even more co dependent. Sometimes things are great, and im happy, but then things can be awful. I really am not sure on how to persue happiness throughout all this. Please, advice would be great!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (28 December 2008):
So you are staying with a guy who treats you like crap, cheats on you and risks giving you disease and has absolutely no respect for you?
And you are doing this because your other friends don't have enough time for you and you've just lost your job?
This about what I have just said logically and I think you know you have to leave this guy, find a job and find some more friends. Also accept the fact that sometimes you will have nights alone and there is nothing wrong with that.
Good Luck!! xx
A
female
reader, melon +, writes (28 December 2008):
Yeah seriously you need to leave this guy, he is not worth it. Number one, he has physically abused you - that is enough reason to leave him. Secondly he always cheats on you (supposedly being drunk is an excuse, which it isn't) You are worth more clearly, just leave him. Hope this helps and everything goes ok :-) xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2008): Dump him honey, he should not be choking you or cheating on you when he's drunk. Being drunk is no excuse. I know you need someone to depend on at the moment but it shoud NOT be him. There are agencies you can go to to help you with employment. You do NOT need him. You can survive on your own. Lots of people manage it, I'm sure you can too. Leave him and adivse him to get some help. Good Luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2008): You need to leave this guy.
Aside from the fact that he is a cheating dirtbag, you should never put up with being "choked" or injured in any way. No matter how good the good times are, if he's alcoholic, cheating and potentially abusive, you need to get away.
I agree with the previous poster who pointed out that there is nothing you can do or say that will change or fix him. He needs to want to change and he needs to get help.
You also need help. Leaving him is not going to be easy. Try opening up to your friends and family and telling them everything. I know it can be hard and feel embarrassing, but if they know the whole story and are true friends they will help as much as they are able. (Do not defend him to them!) If your friends can't give you all of the help you need, or if you just want another outlet, consider joining a support group for friends and family of addicts and alcoholics such as Al-Anon.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, 14all +, writes (28 December 2008):
Dump him.
You can't control his behavior with anything you do or say. It's often easier to think you're doing something wrong than to think you have no control over the other person, but that's the reality. What would you tell a friend whose BF gets drunk and cheats on her to do?
Dump him.
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