A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:We've been together for 7 months. I've had boyfriends before him but I'm his first girlfriend, first kiss, first girl he's ever said "I love you" to, etc. He is a caring and laid-back guy but he doesn't show affection for me very often. We had a talk about it one time and he said he has a lot of trouble expressing love because of how his father is and how he saw him treat his mother growing up (his father cheated on and hit his mother and obviously didn't show her affection.) But sometimes I wonder if that isn't just an excuse to not pay me very much attention. He sets up dates with me and cancels them (for valid reasons, he has a lot of family issues and he cancels on ALL his friends, not just me). He could go days without texting me (he hates texting in general). He isn't physically affectionate with me either and isn't the type to hold hands or kiss or cuddle in public and when I cuddle with him he just sits there and doesn't hold me back or anything and when I get disappointed and move away, he asks me why I stopped. It's really confusing. We never really have deep conversations, we mostly joke around and talk about other things but I crave a deeper connection with him.He's not romantic but once in a blue moon he will say something sweet to me like call me beautiful but it's pretty rare. A couple weeks ago he texted me out of the blue and said "Hey Emily I know I don't express this a lot but I just wanted to say that I really love you" and I almost cried because it's so rare that he says stuff like that to me. A month ago I was feeling down and he asked me what was wrong and I told him I felt like if I disappeared, he wouldn't care. (Harsh, I know. I regret saying it :/ and I apologized to him later for being so harsh) and he actually cried a little bit and said that he was a bad boyfriend for not spending very much time with me.I feel like a friend rather than a girlfriend because of the way he acts around me. I am scared to talk to him about all this because I heard from his friend that I confuse him sometimes when I get sad and he doesn't know what to do when it happens. I don't wanna nag him and make him feel even more confused. I feel taken for granted a lot of the time with him and it's confusing to me because I can't tell if it's because he doesn't love me as much, or if it's just the way he is. Maybe I'm just being crazy or asking too much of him. But any advice would be appreciated
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female
reader, brunette14  +, writes (14 December 2013):
 I've been in exactly the same situation as you. I dated this guy for two years and we didn't kiss on the lips once. We only just about got to hold hands with each other and that still wasn't in public. Sounds bad doesn't it ? Sounds like we weren't that interested in each other but we didn't want to let go of what we had?There is one thing that you can do which I should have done and regret not doing. Talk to him. Yes it does sound like something that EVERYONE will say but it honestly is true ! If you tell him how you feel, then he will understand the situation between you two and you can move forward. Talk about your feelings for him but don't get too emotional because from the sounds of what you have said, he's not much of an emotional guy (but that doesn't mean that he cant be! Maybe he's just to shy to express how he feels) Talk about how you want your relationship to be like because both of you must be 100% honest with each other or it wont work. From this, you may find out something that you wish you didn't want to and things may end between you but trust me, that's the best thing for both of you. There is no point on living on false dreams because you will soon realise that they wont happen and the end result will be more painful. The sooner you realise, the less painful it will be.But this doesn't mean thing will end bad, they can end good too! Things could get better and you can both be closer to each other.I really hope you work it all out because I had the chance to but didn't and I wish that I did.If it doesn't, remember, don't cry because its over, smile because it happened :)
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