A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of 3 years divorced 8 years ago. The ex wife remarried and now is fighting with the current husband, her third, and it looks like divorce again. She is phoning my boyfriend up and telling him all the detail and crying on his shoulder and he has even offered to talk to the current husband on her behalf. I think what she is doing is wrong. She shouldn't look to him, but the excuse is they have kids together according to my boyfriend. He seems to think that gives her the right. I think she lost that privilege when she divorced him.(She had an affair). So I'm really fed up and I think I should leave him. I am the one paying the bills because he doesn't earn enough and he is disrespecting me in this. What makes it worse is that she always called him and told him how bad he was, mostly when they argued about money, and she threatened to "get" us both. This is a personal matter for her and he shouldn't be involved, he doesn't seem to see it that way and it seems he is willing to damage our relationship to be a counsellor to an ex wife on something that is not about the kids. If he wants to be her best buddy or go back to her he can, but I am not maintaining a relationship with someone so overinvolved with their ex. We were just talking about getting engaged. That's not going to happen unless he creates healthy distance.Any thoughts?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2013): It sounds as if he is flattered by her emotional need for him and they are feeding off each other, while you are his financial crutch. You are all enabling each other to function. I would leave him and let them get on with it. They will probably always be this way because they can't cope without each other.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (9 March 2013):
 The best - and most important - sentence in your submittal is this one: "So I'm really fed up and I think I should leave him. "..... because, right there, you have all the answer you need.....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (9 March 2013):
 You can't really do much about this. They were obviously together a long time and this means there will be a bond there, possibly forever. It doesn't mean he would ever go back to her romantically. it sounds like just a friendship thing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2013): Dump him. No woman can be expected to live with a man and put up with him chatting away and offering advice to an ex. It is disrespectful and it makes abslolutely no difference if they have children or not. It would drive me totally insane even more so if I was having to pay for everything. I really would not take this any longer as you appear to be being taken for a ride both financially and emotionally. My ex husband became a sort of councellor for his ex girlfriend who would ring all the time looking for advice and a shoulder to cry on. This went on for many months until I told him I would leave if it didn't cease. He really saw no harm in it but to be honest I did not entirely trust her motives so for me it was an unaccepatble situation. He did cease but did not like me for it.I really would sit him down and explain to him that she is his ex wife and he has no responsibility anymore for her emotional well being and that quite frankly he is taking the piss. If he isn't willing to stop I would tell him you are leaving him and make it claer why.
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