A
female
age
30-35,
*ehek
writes:I am in a serious relationship with this guy for the past 18 months. We both love each other very much but now problems have started creeping in. Initially we both used to be together always, then he realised that since he gives a lot of time to me, he's getting ignored by his male friends group... so he demands space from me which is quite fine I guess but i can still feel the difference in his love. He used to be really romantic and expressive but now that's missing. He used to be a little possesive of me but now he's not.. or he does not show even if he is. This space thing is really getting on my nerves. He doesn't stay with me after college, earlier he used to stay himself.... he wants to cut down the nite chat too because he says he needs time to study and with his friends since the whole day in colllege he is with me.I am really dependent on him. I feel very vunerable. I want to give him space, also I am very possessive and have a bad temper. I am sad very sad. plz help. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, mehek +, writes (1 April 2008):
mehek is verified as being by the original poster of the question hii cindy.
i did a teriible mistake. some months ago, wen we kept on fighting and ignoring. basically i dunno but i was the one pleading him to forget the fight and be ok....i guess his space giving thng is all because we have fighted so much during the past and evn in the present. my faults most of the time .
so nywaz , there came a time wen i used to beg him plz talk to me , dun leave me lik dis ryt now...i hv no one oder to tlk to ..i cnt live wdout u.....he..wud den spk to me but that resulted in more fightings...i had to kill my time before it killed me..i went online and chatted wid ppl. i met dis guy online 21 yrs of age..he seemed lik quite a gud fellow because he was the frst guy who wanted to chat thngs other than sex. we chatted normal thngs about life and careers...lik dat. he started sharing things with me and i too started to confide all the pain in him..all the pain that was there in my heart. he pacified me.....spoke correct thngs abt wat went wrong n all,,,he knew i hd a bad relationship...i had tld him frst thng dat i hv a boyfrnd. i was true to my boyfrnd , i nvr chatted any personal thng wid ds online guy. then my b'day approached....this online frnd of mine wanted to send me a b'day card...since he lives in the east side of the country and i on the north side...he had to courier that to me. then after sumtime i sensed that dis online guy is gettin too closer. callin me evryday, showing possesiveness for me.....i din wanted him to get closer because i dun want to hurt him because i m in love with my boyfrnd not him. i tried to ignore him gently many times , he used to retailiate evrytiume. one fine day , he sent me an sms that " sweety i miss u vry badly n i m not feelin well " blah blah.....i told ds to my boyfrnd, my boyfrnd knew that i hva online frnd but din knew the details how muchg v talked n chatted, i dunno y i din tell him. my mistake...he was upset abt dat sms....then i thot i shouls seriously spk to that boy and tell him not to send me such sms. bt the nxt day wen he cald...he wasnt fine. he was drunk n upset ans strtd crying...i gave him sympathy n care.
he tld me not to leave him nytime..he said to me dat i dun want to lose u. den nxt day he sent me another sms ..writing that " please telme wen u get my card dat did you like it or not and i want to reveal sumthng to u but at a later date at an appropriate time". this gives me an indication that he mite b attracted to me. he has seen my picture also , i am quite gud ( atleast in that photo). i told my boyfrnd abt it last nite...he is furious at me for hiding the frndshp for so long. i dunno y i din tell him. i m true that i nvr hd ny bad intentions in my heart. my boyfrnd he nvr asks me nythng , he blindly trusts me, aloowes me to do nythng...no restrictions ..doesnt ask me nythng beyond the point i tell him abt sumthn. i hd tld him abt the boy earlier but not in detail nor did he ask me.
my boyfrnd is really upset , wat do i do?? leave that online guy but he's a gud frnd and he's dependant on me, my conscience is stopping me t o leave that frnd.
i hv decided that i'll ask my boyfrnd to gv me sumtime that i can slowly slowly mke that frnd not dependant on me and then i will lessen my contact with him.
please help me .
i knw one thng if my boyfrnd had done sumthn like ds i wudnt hv forgiven him so easily , i wud hv been broken n this thought is killing me all the more. making me very guilty. i nvr wanted this, i jst wanted a simple frnd who cud listen to me wen i was not fine, all this turned out to be so ugly. please help me.
all this is killing me. i need ur help please . please.
A
female
reader, Cindy303  +, writes (30 March 2008):
 I wish there was something I could say that could help you in this time of pain. I just can only go by what happened to me so many years ago. The pain I felt when the man I was with pretty much shut me out and everything seemed to change so quickly. Leading me to believe he didn't love me anymore. The pain I felt, the hurt and the sorrow. I took his actions to mean he didnt want me in his life anymore, when he was just trying to figure things out. Its great you and your boyfriend have talked. Maybe there is a way that you can work on spending some extra time together during a week that wont conflict with his schedule thats with his other friends. If you love him, you have to stay positive. If you have been together this long, then dont give up. Keep a smile on your face. Try to do whatever you can to make something work and keep the lines of communication open at all times. Best wishes. Cindy
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A
female
reader, mehek +, writes (30 March 2008):
mehek is verified as being by the original poster of the questioncindy dear thank u so much for spareing your vluable time fr my problem. the thng is that i m sure he loves me but the thng is that , he requires time for his male friends....he says its his mistake that he didnt realise this earlier but he says since he lives in a boys hostel...evry guy there ignores him and dont include him in their parties and secrets. he's really a nice human being. but there are somethngs i cnt get answers abt...i did ask him.
like earlier evn after college we used to stay for long and den he used to drop me till home..but by the time he reachd hostel ...it wud be really late..he had to miss dinner as well as spending time with friends. now if i evr ask him to stay.sometimes he agrees but most of the times he says....he doesnt feel like...i retaliated and it led to a huge fite...or he says he's tired and wants to go back. i knw all this gives a wrong indication but i m positive that he loves me...not as much as before but he does. he sayshe doesnt lik clings.
i guess i hv to be accordingly. i cant afford to lose him. he's my life.
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A
female
reader, Cindy303 +, writes (30 March 2008):
Your young my dear and it sounds like it could be your first love. I am no expert on this sort of subject, though something very similar happened to me when I was 21. I felt so low and so horrible when I realised that he didn't want to be with me anymore. I had fallen in love with this guy and because we worked together as well, I ended up leaving the job because it was just too painful to see him everyday. I hope that your boyfriend is just taking some time to find his feelings and figure them out. Have you talked to him about all this? I will say its the one thing I learned when this happened to me. The man I was seeing, he and I never openly talked about all this. I just assumed he didnt love me and didnt want to see me anymore. I was reading signs from him when he seemed to be backing away from me. Not being as romantic or interested in me. We never sat down and talked about it. It was only years later when we met up again that he told me his true feelings for me. Keeping the lines of communication open is key. You need to sit down and talk to him. Ask him what he wants and explain to him what you want. If you cant talk now and be open with each other then you wont ever be able to. Best of luck.
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